..delayed reactions..

so as i sit here at work and pretend to be productive i can't help but to focus on my mind that seems to be moving 500 miles a minute with ALL the things that happend YESTERDAY.???
im apparently still having some type of system overload that is making my hard drive have a delayed reaction to the stuff that went on around me yesterday...


where do i begin.???

let me start w. my favorite computer wiz kid...lol i KN0W you enjoy monden technology just as much as i love going to wal.mart at 1am but in the future can you please warn me the next time you decide to infom me about poker tables w. computers as dealers... table surfaces that are efficently limitless and tech savey... or monkeys in japan that's can serve me drinks in a bar... its all to much to deal with at one time...SURPRiSE.?


i need to stop and show some SERi0US appreciation to one of my brothers... thank you BiGHEAD.!! i didnt realize how your attempts to pull me back to who i am where in a good effort to make me smile again... i know you miss that(my smile) bcuz i miss it too... THANK YOU SOO MUCH.! FAM[ily]

but umm...

to the young lady who seems to think she's a parot... let me make this short and simple _:: its not becoming nor is it at all lady like... especially if you're attempting to be someones friend... somewhere in the job description of friend it says something about keep personal things personal and understand that when someone comes to you in confidence reguardless of it includes other people that doesn't give you the right to speak your mind... that's the easiest way to lose not only a friend but their trust inturn.


now about these previously mention FAKE iNSECURE FL00ZiES(thx daff..lol) girls...its still amazes me everytime.! for more details feel free to view daffi's blog... and if the shoe fits then maybe you needed to go shopping.


oh yes.! to the one that has so causally made me apart of their "neglection list" not by choice or force but bcuz time evades you daily and youve become just that busy... let me remind you that up until your recent saga you happend managed your relationship just fine for 2.5 years and communicating was far from an issue... i should know seeing as im still waiting for some fone calls back bcuz you need to commit to that... ive sed it before and although i dislike doing it ill repeat myself... "yes im patient but that doesn't mean ill wait forever".


which brings me to the MAiN EVENT the ku.da.graw the GRAND FiNALE... well maybe not bcuz ill still have more to say but you understand...

for the one who failed to think about my feelings and understand my patience... you hurt me..[period] not me physically but me emotionally and im not sure if you care to remember... bcuz its not like you dont know bcuz you've already admitted your fault... but more like you've just flipped an internal light switch that has cut every EVERYTHiNG off.!! so let me just say this, we've established that im different and we know that im a "rare breed" so since we know this can we (well you not me i already understand how i work) attempt to be a lot more understanding that the one thing we can't control other then love is time and both of those can only come w. patience which you've witnesed in the flesh...(Hi.!) so don't be so quick to jump the gun bcuz a short temper allots for misunderstandings and hurt feelings and you've alredy accomplished the 2nd one...


so now that ive had a partial reboot my systems aren't down nor are they running slow but i do suggest that this hard drive has a disk clean up or some spyware installed soon bcuz before we all know it im gonna CRASH.!!

p.s. & if these words seemed to hit you then i didnt mean to miss


..mylife..

..insecure..

insecure:
1.) subject to fears, doubts, etc; not self-confident or assured
2.) not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious

now im sure you are ALL wondering why a girl like me is looking up the word insecure... ha ha ha trust me its not for my personal benefit more like a P.S.A (public service announcement...for you none vo.tech t.v. production kids)

ATTENTi0N.!!! to all the insecure ladies in the world... im sorry that you are not confident enough in yourself to allow your man to have female friends... but im REALLY gettin tired of have to justify defend and explain my friendships to these insecure ass girls.!! uggh its just sooo frustrating...


so here let me make this so very simple bcuz that's the mind set you've got to be in to feel this way.!!

your insecurities are YOUR issue NOT mine i can not help it if in YOUR little head you have convinced yourself that i want your man... im sorry sweetie ive been spoken for the past 3 years of my life and if/when im single its for my own reason NOT to take you boyfriend...

& while were on the subject of girls let me just say that i don't like FAKE girls either.!! please don't smile in my face one month and the next cut your eyes at me... HELL0.?! im not oblivious to the obvious im a girl too last time i checked(.5 seconds ago) and i know we're not programed to always get along but don't use me to be your friend bcuz "you don't have any"


whoo.! not that ive got that off my chest who's hungry i get paid in 10mins.!!

..vive para el baile..

so i have offically decided as of yesterday(10.8.08) that i am on a serious dance mission i have from now until January 1st to train up... in every which way imaginable.! 3 classes a week between now and then gives me 36 classes give or take... not to mention the occasional workshop here & there (urban legands Nov. 15 & 16...whooo SD here comes HiFiLV.!!) so that way by the 1st i will be a BEAST.!! well not a "beast" presay but you get the idea... this is what i live for so im gonna put 200% into it...


..mylife..

..trouble sleeping..

wtf.!! its the middle of the night and im up listening to slow jamz wide eyes w. tears that REFUSE to effin fall... ahhhh.!!! hmm i wonder is it too late to change my name.? nope nevermind i got it tatted on my effin back.!! well can SOMEBODY come save me qwick.! before i come up with more crazy nonsense.!!

thursday schedule _::
-work 8-5... i swear if i didnt have a night life id be like a 50yr old woman who worked monday to friday and came home to her cat name cupcake.!!
-hair done... now this little project has been in the works for 2 weeks now due to me N0T being able to find my damn sister.!!
-class w. aj... dance my stress relief, nuff said.!!
-sleep... the only place my nitemare D0ESNT exsist.!!

(Dear Feelings & Emotions,
if you don't mind i need you to turn yourseleves off for the nxt few months so i can reach my goal w. a clear head and no confusion...
Love,
Schae)

..baaaaallllin..

what a day what a day...

i received an interesting text this morning that's just "set my morning off right.!!" as the bestfriend Ashley would say... i just don't understand why these "grown" people can't seem to act right... but i guess Salome was right _:: "mutha fucks just act different when it comes to money" & its true.! but i know i won't be happy until i have my own...so im on a serious countdown N0VEMEBER 8TH.! is the day... and if things a final by the 16th then im definitely gonna lose it.!! so i guess my next question is _:: "who needs a room mate.?" ha ha ha.!!

HiFi HiFi HiFi oh how much i love you bytches.! we dance, we run cross country we do art n' crafts we sing in the choir & need our Jesus and now we ball together lol... yes ladies we are officially ballers.!! playing basketball tonight was interesting and fun at the sometime... but we're definitely gonna feel this in the morning... s0niC was fun "if you don't wash behind your ears you are N0T Ms. Independent.!!!" lets do it again next week shall we.??

well now its time to go home... gotta drop off the Patti Cakes first then its off to casa del drama... ugh.!

..my life..
(expect another one soon)

this in.SURE.rance is not very rea.SURE.ing

my accident was on september 15th today is october 8th and im just NOW getting some feedback... and you wanna know what i was.?

$550

yep $550effin a dollars...for my "pain & suffering" WHAT exactly am i supposed to do w. that.? someone explain to me please before i lose it and act ugly with progressive which by the way is NOT very progressive w. their customer service.!!

..my life..

..the morning after..

::sigh:: i had a conversation w. you last night and it really took my breathe away... i mean _::

"is it possible to stop caring overnight like.?"

apparently it is bcuz you expected me to.. but damn im so different and biologically programed to love all the damn time idk how to forget...
well i guess Janet was right_::
"that's the way love goes"

hello there...

hi im Schae!! but some people call me love... the reason.. you'll have to figure out on your own... this is my blog my space my release... feel free to enjoy it at your own risk... but i won't take responsibility for any hurt feelings in the process (you probably shouldn't have said it in the first place...) this is a true story so take notes...

..fading..

TODAY AS ii SiT ALONE ii BEGiN TO WONDER WHAT iS MY PURPOSE...WHAT AM ii HERE TO DO?? AM ii THE BESTFRiEND THAT iS ALWAYS THERE NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE FiGHT ARGUE AND DiSAGREE?? AM ii THE BiG SiSTER WHO PROViDES GUiDENCE WHEN YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO?? HOW ABOUT THE LiTTLE SiSTER WHO RUNS YOUR WAY WHEN ALL ELSE HAS FAiLED? MAYBE THE FRiEND WHO iS A CONSTANT SHOULDER TO CRY ON AND THE PERFECT PERSON FOR ADViCE...AM ii THE GiRLFRiEND THAT iS ALWAYS THERE NO MATTER HOW BAD ii HURT iNSiDE??OR THE DAUGHTER WHO WAS BROUGHT UP KNOWiNG RiGHT FROM WRONG?? ALL THESE THiNGS WRAPPED iNTO ONE iS WHAT iiM TOLD, BUT ii DONT UNDERSTAND WHY ii FEEL THE WAY ii DO...LOST EMPTY && COLD...WiTH NO DESiRE...NO WANT NO YERN...iiM TiRED AND NO LONGER WANT TO PERFORM ii HATE HAViNG TO PUT ON A SHOWJUST TO GET ATTENTiONOR A SiMPLE HELLO

..i love you.. (i guess)

ive never been one of those girls who said fuck niggas...and i probably won't ever be one either.... but i can say i understand why girl feel that way... within the first 6 months of 2008 i have 2 friends walk in to their niggas house to find ANOTHER girl in the bed, 3 friends find out they're man was cheating on the with a friend, one who found out not only was she the other woman for the past 6 months but that his son will be born next week and he's getting married in august, 3 friends who bent over backwards and was the "perfect girlfriend" but was finally told "im just not ready for you yet, and my personal favorite one friend not only found out that their relationship was a bet but that the bet was made by her own brother.!! and with all of that going on yet and still i still have the thought that maybe love still exsist....???