..stay busy..

thats my goal over these next few months...to stay busy so that i wont become distracted with the minor things in life. and the only thing that could possibly consume that much of my time other than sleep would be dance, and thats what i plan to do... i NEED it, ive seen myself when im not consumed with dance and not only do i not like it but ive also found that i get into alot of trouble...and THATS what i dont need any more trouble... when all else fails dance.!!

..scheherazade..

sigh. my name. thats all i want to be called. is that too much to ask.? apparently so. well for some. others. not so much. this recent need to be called, scheherazade has envolved alot of purging. emotionally. its like im all of a sudden tapped into my feelings. as if i wasnt before, i know right.? but this time its different. like a pregnant woman in her 2nd trimester. whos on the verge of tears one second. and pissed off the next. so im letting it all out. dont mind the random blogs. they may or may not be for you, if they are read them and then read them again. if it helps.

..my frindboy..

it was an accident... i swear i never ment for things to happen like this... i just wanted "new aim buddies" as ive been known to say but soon things took a turn for the better and even from 2000 miles away you managed to do what the select few couldnt do in a 10 miles radius... and i must say i was hoping that it wouldnt last, like you'd mess up or that this would be some beautiful nightmare that id soon wake up from and continue through the mundane tasks that i titled ..mylife.. but that didnt happen... and now youre like my security blanket... like that little voice in the back of my head that says "its gonna be okay" whenever i start to cry... or briefly feel unimportant...
i was recently asked by one of my bestest if you were my boyfriend after seeing a "note" from you... and with a quick smile i said "no he's just my.... friendboy." and left it alone

..Dr. Jeckel & Mr. Hyde..

im not exactly sure how old i was when i finally figured out who was who in this story but im almost positive it was around the time that i saw the movie 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' after watching the movie unlike most people i didnt hate Mr. Hyde and think he was a bad person or that he should've been killed... nor did i think that Dr. Jeckel should be banned from being a doctor... i viewd it from another angle... yes Dr. Jeckel should be held accountable for coming up with the potion to turn himself into Mr. Hyde, but did anyone ever consider that Mr. Hyde was always inside of Dr. Jeckel hiding just waiting for the chance to speak up.? that maybe Mr. Hyde was Dr. Jeckel in his true self and the potion was just a mear excuse to set him free....
this thought crossed my mind as i evaluated a situation a little closer to home... realizing that i knew someone's Mr. Hyde better then i knew their Dr. Jeckel, and i soon began to wonder how often do people show you their Dr. Jeckel instead of their true self... you know the Mr. Hyde.? or in a reverse action only allowing you to see their Mr. Hyde the outragous, wild, careless, drunken part of themselves never allowing you to see the loving, caring, responsible Dr. Jeckle they hold inside... so here i am at 3am sleeping Mr. Hyde wondering if ill ever meet Dr. Jeckel...

..dirrty laundry..

i turned the corner and saw your car and my immediate reaction was? "oh shit.! of all days i decded to do laundry." not because i thought it would be bad but because i knew i would have to hide my emotions and remove my heart from my sleeve and quickly place it in my Micheal Kors bag... so that i wasnt able to hand it to you as quickly as i usually did. i made the phone call to let it be known that i had arrived and instead of the light cheerful voice i expected to answer it was you, and i was quickly reminded of all the things i couldnt say... like "i miss your face" that one seemed to make you smile instead it was a simple "im here" that i was able to spit out before quickly hanging up the phone so the rest of the word vomit wouldnt come out... i gave myself a serious pep talk as i approched the door reminding myself that it would be over soon because you werent staying long, well thats what i was informed, but as soon as entered i knew that was not the case at all you were a little to comfortable so to speak... but this comfortableness allowed a rush of emotion to find its way to my mind and i soon realized it was gonna be a looong morning...

..growing pains..

so as i sit here at work being somewhat productive i keep finding myself drifting off into thought of me and my Mr. Big... (who shall remain nameless) and over these past few days i have noticed that im falling back into some of my old practices when having a boyfriend... but this time for reasons that i didnt realize until recently... and i assume that it has alot to do with me getting older... but there are just things that say a year ago id put up with from my guy friends that were interested that now in this relationship im not soo willing... and the softee in me wants to let things slide and just be okay w. it, but i know the truth and know that its wont be okay and that makes it just that much easier to say no this time around... so im sorry for any hurt feelings that may (or may not) occur but i told myself that from now on i was going to take care of me first...

..worth the while..

good morning.!! geez its early.!! anyway so i get these daily inspirational quotes sent to my phone every moring to get my day started on a positive note... you know like affirmations and stuff... well today i got my "inspirations" and it read....

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely...

hmmmm....? now i immediately began to think about this major decision that ive ben toying with over the past few months... and i thought "Well how ironic that im contemplating what i want to do and then i get that quote... a sign maybe.? or cpuld it just be further confirmation to what i already know....

Saturday after 'Takin it To the Streets' i said "Fuck'em.!!" and Jonito(i <3 you.!!) replied with....

no dont say fuck'em you just know what you have to do now...

as he took another shot.! and its true... i cant be mad it was a learning experience... not a waste of my time because i have learned alot not only about people but also about myself.... and i can also say that i have grown alot in this situation... so much so that ive grown OUT.! of this situation... i mean i DiD say "Vive para el baile" right.?? well thats what i have to do... im sure its gonna rub some feathers and make a fe people mad but its not about them its about me, and i have to do what makes Schae happy first and foremost...

so my decision is made and set in stone now i just have to wait until March 2009, and pray that in the meantime i dont get into more trouble then ive already gotten into with all this "freetime" on my hands... damn i miss August, that was a good month.!!

..I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T..

yes ladies and gentlemen the day i have been waiting for has FiNALLY come.! im moving into my Condo December 19, 2008.!! im soo effin excited isk what to do w. myself... all i want to do is sleep when i get there... i think about parties in 2009 after i get some much needed rest.!!

..culture shock..

oh how i LOVE LOVE LOVE thee.!!

so this weekend while EKETC. was at prelude i stayed in vegas saved about 100bucks in food gas room and board and went the "Takin it To The Streets" and as usual it was effin GREAT.!! Culture Shock Las Vegas "went it" and Meccamee "did work" with a guest apperance from Mr. Jaymazing himself (SURPRiSE.!!) it was a REALLY great show... and ALL the crews/teams did a really good job...!!

But you know 'Takin itTo The Streets' wouldnt be itself without a party... a whole weekend long party with CSLV and CSDC OMG.!! we had soo much fun.... Saturday after the show we all went to the bestest boyfriends and had a pre.game that just turned into the real game and drank(well they drank yall know i dont) and passed the blunt(didnt do that either...DAMN.! Repulic Services.!! hahaha.!!) then i found myself being the super bestfriend and making sure Lynnae didnt die in her sleep... long story short i didnt make it home til about 3.40ish maybe 4am... and slept ALL day on sunday... no church for me, i mean it is the Sabath...you know a day of rest so thats what i did til about 4.30. in the afternoon...

once i felt alive again i got up got dressed called the baby momma and made din din plans at Ra (sunday night happy hour.!) with her my nephew and the bestest of course.!! my Nephew is sooooo effin cute and too damn funny... how i love him soo.!! after dinner the bestest and i made our was to the orleans to go bowling with CSLV and CSDC.... and ive never seen so many people "go in from the top full out with music"when it came to bowling... lol but we had a really great time with dollar bowling and dollar drinks.!! yea you know we acted a fool.!!

as the night came to a close and me and the bestfriend realized it was 2.30a and we both had to be at work her at 5 me at 7 we needed to vacat the building so we could get a nap before work... well my nap was soon interrupted at 7.15a not by the sound of my alarm but but the look in the mirror and the realization that i have Pink Eye.!! ahhhhhh.!! eww gross yuck.!!!

so now im sitting at UMC quick care wating for them to call me in the back... no work today and usually that would be a good thing but not when the flip side is having pink eye....


..mylife..

..6 months 13days & counting..

so its ALREADY December and the year is over basically... and anyone who knows me and has known me for awhile knows that as soon as December hits i start birthday planning... well this year im planning for my 21st... and im obberly excited.!! like i REALLY cant wait... i have it all planned out i mean it would only make sense it is a MONTH LONG celebration.!! with the exception of 2 days due to my little sister and twinns bday on the 18th and my lover boy quincy's day on the 21st... oh and i cant forget my bday buddy christina who has the same exact bday as me... how rare is that.?? so of course we're celebrating together.!!

stay tuned for for planning details....