so i'm just getting home from my conversation with God... i drove out to Redrock, to the spot where i had my very first photoshoot w. Janna and stood there and let the wind blow all around me. it was a settling feeling, bcuz i was the only thing that was moving. no dust no rocks no derby. just me walking in the wind. from the spot i was standing you can see the las vegas strip... and i took a picture, now i dont know if its because of the wind and the fact that my hand was shaking but i know my camera can detect stability on its own. my first picture came out very blurry and i though it was very symbolic... that i drove up here really not knowing where i was going why i was going there and what i was going to find when i got there... all i knew was that i was confused and couldnt see or think straight. and thats how my picture came out, blurry and confused. so the wind started to blow harder, so i decided to sit on the hood of my car and just listen. im not sure what i was listening for but i sat there for a moment and began to listen and before i knew it i was in tears and speaking in tongues... thats a really great feeling to be wrapped up in the spirit... but its something totally different when your confessing your hurts... its like everything that was building up inside for however long just decided that very moment it was going to come out if you wanted to or not. it also ment that someone else was going though the very same thing i was going through and i had to be the sacrifice for the both of us... im glad that i followed my instinct and actually got up when God said go.. because if not i dont think i would feel as good as i do now.... i know am glad that on my way back down i was tested to see if i had
learned anything and i can proudly say that i can... and theres going to be ALOT of very unhappy (or uncaring) people over the next few weeks as i dont answer my phone and dont respond to my text messages... i was once told the 5 people closest to you are reflections of yourself, well maybe thats why no one is around because non of those 5 people where headed in the same direction i was already passing... it feels WONDERFUL to be able to release and have a clear sound mind... no longer will i be worried about whos doing what and not spending time with me because quite frankly " dont give a damn my dear." i havent smiled like this in a while... i began to miss myself... what a joyous occasion.!!! what a wonderful way to close out the last few weeks of my hiatus... this by far has been one of the best learning experiences through this journey...