..counterfit..

my day started off normal got dressed drove to work..oh wait i found out that the guy that was gonna buy true sent couterfit money orders so bofa closed my acct. for fraud of course.! so now i need to print off EVERY email between me and john doe go get the copies of the checks go to the police station file a police report go BACK to the bank and see if the will MAYBE release the my payroll check to me oh and never have a bank account with them again.!! so i immdediatly LEFT WORK i couldnt function.! i mean how could this happen.? to me.? to True.? why.?? it was too early in the morning niether the bank or police station were open so i drove home... and sat for a minute... but i was too mad to just sit there so i did what i normally did CLEANED.!! i cleaned my kitchen well more like i scrubbed my stove...yea i was mad.!! after that i felt better turned on my Sasah...Fierce pulled out my make up and went in... shit i needed to feel good about somethin.!!

so once i got to the bank they gave me the copy of the checks but took my debit card.!! ugh...!! so now im REALLY Really without money.!! and hungry THANK GOD i have food at home and can cook.!! anyway i left the bank got in my car angain and started to cry but i quickly stopped myself bcuz i spent a good 35minutes on the make.up and wasnt about to eff that up nope not at all.!! so i quickly turned the radio put the car in reverse and did it mov'n outta there.!

ugh.! the police station...i've never liked coming here this was the third time, the first didnt envovle me... domestic violence ill let the culprits remain nameless...the second was bcuz tmobile changed their policies on getting a new fone if it had been stolen and required a police report before a new fone would be issued, and the third more recent when i got in the car accident bcuz the lady in the lexus didnt want to yield.... and now again here i was back at the police station (thank goodness it was north las vegas.!) the lady at the counter LOOKED nice (keyword.?) i was soon proven wrong... after explaining my story and providing my evidence she was on the phone w. a dective who made me tell the story AGAIN.!! after his approval i was finally able to fill out a police report... i think they thought i was guilty and were trying to figure out the best way to arrest me... telling my story to the woman a secod time was like trying to pull teeth from a lion with a muzzle on.!! she just wasnt listening.!! after about an hour of explaining, paperwork, telephone calls, questions and funny looks i finally had my police report and was headed back to the bank....

im greatful that the people at the bank were nice and understanding... too bad there wasnt anything they could do. except give me my payroll check tomorrow... i know i know a silver lining on every cloud.!!


i just want to curl up in my bed under the blankets close my eyes REALLY hard open them and start today all over w.out the counterfit checks.!!

quotezme.blogspot.com

yes another blog.!! but this is a little different.... i get these daily quotes and inspirations sent to my phone... and ive had a few people ask me to send them to their phones so now im sharing with everyone.!! so they too can be inspired and start their mornings on a good foot like i do... so please please please take a visit to www.quotezme.blogspot.com and read it, take it in and respond accordingly.!!

..comfort food..

Okay so today was a bad day... actually this whole weekend was bad and ive been spending the past two days recovering... yesterday (1.12) i was supposed to go to the doctor but that was a failed attempt due to the ALL DAY traffic on the 15 North & South So i made my way to Town Square and walked around for a bit... just taking it all in the last week of 2008, Demetria visiting, B.Cam & Jordan, Sherleta's fish, Dymond, the first week of 2009, Salome & her cousin, my mom, Bruce...and before i knew it i had broke down and bought ice cream even though ive been sick for the past 3 days which i also think was inflicted by the events of the past week but who knows...
As i attempted to make my way back home traffic STILL hadn't cleared so i made my way to Planet Hollywood with a sudden mission for sunglasses ( H&M in Town Square didnt have ANY.!!) After getting new shades at Urban Outfitters i found myself in the Build-A-Bear workshop and was quickly reminded 1. why i dont like Valentines Day and 2.of ALL the HORRIBLE things that had happend in the past weekending so i left.!!! and came home... after braiding my friend Alvin's hair i showered climbed in my bed assumed the fetal position and allowed myself to be consumed w. every single emotion i thought i digested with the ice cream earlier...
Today was a blur of frustration, anger, hurt, and a need for comfort food... so once i got off i made it a point to come home and recover again... but this time w. another type of comfort food since the ice cream from yesterday didnt cure the itch... so i made Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and string beans... and it hit the spot.!! but im not sure how long this warm feeling will last... guess i better plan for tomorrows dinner because this looks like this is gonna be a LOONG rehab session...

..never say never..

another cliche' statement i know but yet again it seems to hold true right along w. the rest... i mean honestly if you think about 98.9% of the time whenever someone says "im not gonna..." they are usually temeted ith the very thing they said they wouldnt do and then further consumed with what they wouldnt by actually doing it.!! i just find it funny how the very things people speak against happen.!! not because of fate or "bad luck" but because the universe is just programed to fill voids and if by simply saying "No" is the trigger i cant imagine what the word "Never" would do... so for all those people who deem me crazy for living by the saying "whatever happens, happens." im sure are the same people who have said stuf like: "ill never let a man hit me, ill never get pregnant, ill never have a childish boy/girlfriend, ill never date a man w. kids, ill never work in retail, ill never be an insecure boy/girlfriend blah blah blah so on and so fourth..." are now kicking themselves as they look around at their surroundings evaluating their situations many for the first time and realizing "Oh Shit.!! im doing what i said i would never do." and they're kicking pretty hard...

..there cant be two Alpha's..

so as i come to an end of reading the Twilight series in a mear two weeks the only thing that i can think about right now is how "there cant be two Alphas" and how a pack will seperate and follow whom ever they see fits them not the other way around... i never realized how that could apply to the real world until i was down to nothing because God is up to something... with this realization i also noticed that im mad...angry actually and really sad, or maybe hurt would be a better choice of words... but i know that im the Alpha in my own life and that i can no longer allow the person who taught me all the time, encouraged me to always do right and to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remain a lady didnt even consider my feelings... reguardless if the situation was wrong they NEVER thought about how it would leave me emotionally and mentally weak... even if wasnt my fault that doesnt change the way EVERYONE that was envolved actions would affect me...especially since they were the person that was envolved the most...and thats the part that hurts the worst...

..practice what you preach..

i know its VERY cliche' but im starting to realize how TRUE these little "life sayings" are important to not only pay attention to but follow... this past weekending has been eventful enough for me as i finally ran across Mr. Hyde (well maybe ran across isnt the best choice of words maybe i should say shown against my will w.out a thought as to how it would make me feel even if it was wrong.) in a unsurprising,eventful,sad story... placing back where i was two weeks before the end of 2008... ALONE

..stay busy..

thats my goal over these next few months...to stay busy so that i wont become distracted with the minor things in life. and the only thing that could possibly consume that much of my time other than sleep would be dance, and thats what i plan to do... i NEED it, ive seen myself when im not consumed with dance and not only do i not like it but ive also found that i get into alot of trouble...and THATS what i dont need any more trouble... when all else fails dance.!!

..scheherazade..

sigh. my name. thats all i want to be called. is that too much to ask.? apparently so. well for some. others. not so much. this recent need to be called, scheherazade has envolved alot of purging. emotionally. its like im all of a sudden tapped into my feelings. as if i wasnt before, i know right.? but this time its different. like a pregnant woman in her 2nd trimester. whos on the verge of tears one second. and pissed off the next. so im letting it all out. dont mind the random blogs. they may or may not be for you, if they are read them and then read them again. if it helps.

..my frindboy..

it was an accident... i swear i never ment for things to happen like this... i just wanted "new aim buddies" as ive been known to say but soon things took a turn for the better and even from 2000 miles away you managed to do what the select few couldnt do in a 10 miles radius... and i must say i was hoping that it wouldnt last, like you'd mess up or that this would be some beautiful nightmare that id soon wake up from and continue through the mundane tasks that i titled ..mylife.. but that didnt happen... and now youre like my security blanket... like that little voice in the back of my head that says "its gonna be okay" whenever i start to cry... or briefly feel unimportant...
i was recently asked by one of my bestest if you were my boyfriend after seeing a "note" from you... and with a quick smile i said "no he's just my.... friendboy." and left it alone

..Dr. Jeckel & Mr. Hyde..

im not exactly sure how old i was when i finally figured out who was who in this story but im almost positive it was around the time that i saw the movie 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' after watching the movie unlike most people i didnt hate Mr. Hyde and think he was a bad person or that he should've been killed... nor did i think that Dr. Jeckel should be banned from being a doctor... i viewd it from another angle... yes Dr. Jeckel should be held accountable for coming up with the potion to turn himself into Mr. Hyde, but did anyone ever consider that Mr. Hyde was always inside of Dr. Jeckel hiding just waiting for the chance to speak up.? that maybe Mr. Hyde was Dr. Jeckel in his true self and the potion was just a mear excuse to set him free....
this thought crossed my mind as i evaluated a situation a little closer to home... realizing that i knew someone's Mr. Hyde better then i knew their Dr. Jeckel, and i soon began to wonder how often do people show you their Dr. Jeckel instead of their true self... you know the Mr. Hyde.? or in a reverse action only allowing you to see their Mr. Hyde the outragous, wild, careless, drunken part of themselves never allowing you to see the loving, caring, responsible Dr. Jeckle they hold inside... so here i am at 3am sleeping Mr. Hyde wondering if ill ever meet Dr. Jeckel...

..dirrty laundry..

i turned the corner and saw your car and my immediate reaction was? "oh shit.! of all days i decded to do laundry." not because i thought it would be bad but because i knew i would have to hide my emotions and remove my heart from my sleeve and quickly place it in my Micheal Kors bag... so that i wasnt able to hand it to you as quickly as i usually did. i made the phone call to let it be known that i had arrived and instead of the light cheerful voice i expected to answer it was you, and i was quickly reminded of all the things i couldnt say... like "i miss your face" that one seemed to make you smile instead it was a simple "im here" that i was able to spit out before quickly hanging up the phone so the rest of the word vomit wouldnt come out... i gave myself a serious pep talk as i approched the door reminding myself that it would be over soon because you werent staying long, well thats what i was informed, but as soon as entered i knew that was not the case at all you were a little to comfortable so to speak... but this comfortableness allowed a rush of emotion to find its way to my mind and i soon realized it was gonna be a looong morning...

..growing pains..

so as i sit here at work being somewhat productive i keep finding myself drifting off into thought of me and my Mr. Big... (who shall remain nameless) and over these past few days i have noticed that im falling back into some of my old practices when having a boyfriend... but this time for reasons that i didnt realize until recently... and i assume that it has alot to do with me getting older... but there are just things that say a year ago id put up with from my guy friends that were interested that now in this relationship im not soo willing... and the softee in me wants to let things slide and just be okay w. it, but i know the truth and know that its wont be okay and that makes it just that much easier to say no this time around... so im sorry for any hurt feelings that may (or may not) occur but i told myself that from now on i was going to take care of me first...