..its simple..

if you don't like me...then don't talk to me


now im sure you're wondering where this sudden frustration is coming from... i just realized after sitting back and watching people for the past few days how anti.social i would preffer to be.... just bcuz people are interesting... i won't say fake bcuz people are TRUE to who they are... other people just don't like it that's all.!! and bcuz i apparently missed the memo on how everyone is God's personal judgment assistant and they all have something negative to say.... i would rather just to be anti.social so that i won't have to deal with this frustration....

..a positive plus a negative..

equals a negative... they explained this to us in Algebra I... and we only applied it to math falling victim to the saying

"when am i gonna ever use this in the real world.?"

well it wasn't until til about 15 minutes ago did i realize when and where i would use it in the real world... as i sit here in my office and listen to my more then talkitive assistant and her word vomit... i couldn't help but notice how negative she is.!! and besides annoying bcuz she WON'T SHUT UP it puts me in a bad mood.!

its like her negativity channels though the sound waves from her voice and deposits itself right into my ears...resulting in a change from my positive happy ready to work energy to a rude and mean behavior causing even more negative energy.!! ...

in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood i quickly change the subjet to a lighter positive one... you know to get her mind off whatever is bothering her... but its like talking to a brick wall... not one of those in one ear out the other... but its like she just is in her own little world of complaining that she won't allow any positive energy in...

im not sure exactly how to go about this issue but i do know that this office is too small for the both of us to attempt to have our own energies in here working against each other...

..happy birthday..

its barely 1.30p and im JUST now waking up... idk what the heck is wrong with me... i went to bed at like 10.30p and im JUST NOW waking up....?? wthey.!!? anyway.....

so today is both my brother and sisters birthday & my lame sister doesn't want to do anything.! (wth.?) i know right.? but my brother is having a BBQ at the park which was sooo last minute planned which of course interferes with me going to Jay.mazing's going away (but he'll be back) Picnic.... UGH.! black people can't EVER plan stuff out.!! oh well family first right.??

so i gets to the park with the fam and i quickly realize what kind of day this is gonna be... it was Senior year ALL OVER AGAIN (some people just NEVER change).... all my brothers friends are there and instead of doing normal black people bbq stuff like playin spades or domino's these "NIGGAS" decide to play basketball, which left me to cook.... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK ON A DAMN GRILL.!!! well i didnt then i do now... needless to say i missed Jay.mazing picnic bcuz the oopid boys had me on the damn grill all effin afternoon.!! ugh.... but its okay ill get to see him monday at rehearsal...


so after True & i leave the broz BBQ... i head to Groove... bcuz Angeline asked me to take her home... ANNNNNNDDDDD.!! bcuz Brandi & i were gonna meet up (i LOVE that girl.!) so i get to Groove and guess who's there.?! KIMTOE.!!! he's FiNALLY back.!! i never thought i would miss his big headed self but i really did miss him right up until the part where he called me the black Paris Hilton bcuz of True.... i won't lie that was the funniest thing i heard ALL DAY.!! (ha ha ha good one Kimtoe)


so after dropping Angeline & True off i picked up my friend Trey who i haven't seen since BEFORE my birthday and his son who i LOVE & haven't seen since he was 4 and he's 5 now.! (yea i know right) and we hung out together and ended up going to see Saw V (that's 5 for all people who didnt pay attention in math on roman numerals day...lol) and uggggggghhhhhh it was caca.!! i coulda just waited 3 days and got the bootleg like every other black person... seriously.!


finally i got home and got some sleep... im not exactly sure what time i went to bed but i know around 3.30a i got a random phone call from someone asking me if they could borrow some money & that REALLY pissed me off.... i am NOT an ATM and i am also not awake at 3.30a ugh.!! NIGGAS i swear.!!


..mylife..

..hifi bball..

oh how i loath thee.!!


now im not exactly sure which part of the equation had me disgruntled... but bball last night was NOT "poppin" in the words of Chris Brown.! i can say the tempature may or may not have had somethin to do w. it but all i know is im a down south country kinda girl and FOOTBALL is definitely my sport....


"hey booooys.!!"





..mylife..

..terrible horrible no good very bad day..

-lied to
-tears @ work
-2nd biggest fight
-more tears
-car gone
-fraudulent spending from my bank account
-early signs of P.M.S
-puppy pee on clean clothes
-& trouble falling asleep


ugggggh.!! just like the book today is a terrible horrible no good very bad day

..mylife..

p.s. i KNOW you're watching nosey.!

..if i was a boy.. (pt.2)

*tears*

since we were little we've always been told do unto other as you want done unto you... or for the simpler minds treat others the way you want to be treated. its like an unwritten law of life that is conciously and continously broken day after day after day...

but after realizing today was a sad day and that i have the blues... i began to re evaluate the lyrics of Beyonce's "If I Was a Boy" and it suddenly dawned on me... how unfair it would be for women to switch places like she says in the song...

in th song she says, "If I was a boy, I think I could understand, how it feels to love a girl, I swear Id be a better man...." by that one statement alone it simple proves that the man in the situation would never get to see or feel the way he treats his what's supposed to be his signifigant other... bcuz she has been priviliged enough to experience it herself and would do EVERYTHiNG in her power to prevent him from feeling the same pain... bcuz she doesn't want to feel it anymore... hence the whole "do unto others as you want done unto you" idea...

and not to say all boys are like this that's not what im saying at all bcuz i know a few girls that are guilty of the same but those come far and few in between... its just a shame to know that even if the role was reversed only one person would be treating the other the way they wanted to be treated....

..saturday mornings..

awake



bcuz of True who woke me to go outside not to pee but to eat damn grass.!! (ugh) does anyone have any potty training advice btw bcuz he is just NOT getting it.!! ahhhhh.! but i can say he's only done it on carpet once... everything else is in the bathroom. and even that is strange.! its like he sees me go pee so he thinks "oh mommys going so time for me to go too" then starts running in circles.!! and due to the fact he's soo damn hyper active idk if he's playin or about to poop.!! ugh someone help.!!


S.i.O. later tonight w. my little sister & HiFi...
& honeslty if it wasn't for the fact my other HiFi girlies were going im not sure if id want to go... not bcuz its gonna be boring after meccame & rascles preform (bcuz nobody wants to see yucky SELECT [HiFiLOVE.!!] jk.! jk.!) but bcuz for the past month and some pennies all ive been hearing is _::

"go to s.i.o. to see Karlos Farrar preform"

now a month and some pennies ago i would've been 150 no wait 250% down to go...bcuz im a real ride or die support my man no matter what kinda woman (notice i said woman not girl) but see that was back when we were together and no im not sayin i don't want to go anymore bcuz he's my ex. no that's not the case at all, im friends with all but one ex.boyfriends thanks.!! i think what has me bothered is the way he's handled this "friendship" since the break up and quite frankly if this is how his "friends" get treated im not sure if im down for the ride...
but hey maybe things could change once i see him... who knows.?!! 0h well.!!


im off to slumber land since True is in his kenel for going poo poo on the bathroom rug... stop by laerz for updates

..mylife..

..game nite & the breakfast club..

so today G decided to have game night at her house with Daffi, Patti, Dani, Kimchi, Lance, Darryl, Errol, & me [duh.!] and it was SUPER FUN.!! we played Tabu which was fun... then Daffi wanted to play spoons but instead of spoons i suggested sour patch kids lol and that was interesting... so then it was time to go and Daffi had to retell her scary story and had EVERYONE scared to go home let alone outside... the Errol made it worse by saying there were lil kids outside.... ahhhh.!! and its not even Halloween yet.!!

so then the O.G. breakfast club went to the cannery for our late nite breakfast special
mmmmm tastey.!! but my tummy was still hurting the whole time (ugh.!) whatever this sickness is i want it gone N0W.!! (yucky.!) i CAN'T TAKE iT.!! not to mention Dani revealed to me that she didnt know the process of boobs and thought she swallowed her socks in her sleep.!! OMG.!! soo effin cute i LOVE this girl.!!

finally it was time to go home and spend time with my hyper active puppy well more like watch him run in circles until i fall asleep... hopefully we don't have a repeat of last night...

..emotions vs. feelings..

so i recently asked the question wats the difference between emotions and feelings.? and the reply was simple _::

Emotions are the physical manifestation of feelings...

hmm a physical manifestation of my feelings... so whatever im feeling on the inside shows on the outside.? well that's makes PERFECT sense bcuz on the inside i feel like crap... like there's nothin but thunderstoms rain clouds hurricanes and tornados in here... and it it showing on the outside to, bcuz i D0NT feel good and haven't for the past few days this is some bS.!

..if i were a boy..

BEYONCE - “IF I WERE A BOY” LYRICS

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell everyone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

(Chorus)

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

(Chorus)

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy...

..people parties & puppies..

okay so my weekend was...lets just say it was a weekend... it started w. coming home friday night after work and CSLV class to find unexpected/unwanted company in MY room watching MY movies.!! ugghh.! im oh so ready to move idk wat to do w. myself... Nov. 8th mite be nxt week if they keep playin w. me...

..satur day..
i FiNALLY got a hold of my sister which means i got my hair done.!! Thank you Jesus for having a family full of hair stylist bcuz i definitely can't see the back of my head ha ha ha ... took groove w. drea of hifilv...she's soo great...
[HiFiLOVE]


satur nite...whoooo.!

H A P P Y B i R T H D A Y L i T T L E.!!

so obviously i went to a bday party which was soooo much fun.. im glad i changed my mind and decided to go... im also glad my sisters went with me bcuz when we go out we ALWAYS have fun together... i missed them... got home @ 4.21a & my nite well morning ended well.!!


..sunday..
Church day... i swear when you're down to nothing God is definitely up to something... & me and Ashley we're going through w.out even realizing it... i danced to Musiq's Love & expected someone to be in the audience but no call no show just an "im sorry" w. a sad face... (hmm maybe ill be important enuff one day).... so the bestfriend(ashley) left her wallet at her work (starbucks) so we had to go back to get it... in the process this man pulls up in a green pick up asking if we want puppies... F0R FREE.!! so of course i take one.!! so now i have a min pin named True & im gonna love him lots.!!

..will you in the morning..

will he love me in the morning.? or will things change will all these good times eventually cause me pain.? Will he love me in the morning.? bcuz tonite it feels so right or will he mislead & decieve exchange passion for fights.???? will he love me in the morning.? or is this just all part of the love game.? ive came ive seen and conqured & he's don't the same. after the last i fell in love w. the fame vowed to neva trust the games but if he'll truly love me [[EVERY]] mornin ill hold him down && bare his name but, will he love me in the morning.?

..lets us pray..

dear God...please don't let my little sharpie pen die... i just got it and im not ready to part with it yet... =( 0h.! and can you please make then wind die down a little i don't want to be cold while im outside... okay ..thee end..


amen.!

..delayed reactions..

so as i sit here at work and pretend to be productive i can't help but to focus on my mind that seems to be moving 500 miles a minute with ALL the things that happend YESTERDAY.???
im apparently still having some type of system overload that is making my hard drive have a delayed reaction to the stuff that went on around me yesterday...


where do i begin.???

let me start w. my favorite computer wiz kid...lol i KN0W you enjoy monden technology just as much as i love going to wal.mart at 1am but in the future can you please warn me the next time you decide to infom me about poker tables w. computers as dealers... table surfaces that are efficently limitless and tech savey... or monkeys in japan that's can serve me drinks in a bar... its all to much to deal with at one time...SURPRiSE.?


i need to stop and show some SERi0US appreciation to one of my brothers... thank you BiGHEAD.!! i didnt realize how your attempts to pull me back to who i am where in a good effort to make me smile again... i know you miss that(my smile) bcuz i miss it too... THANK YOU SOO MUCH.! FAM[ily]

but umm...

to the young lady who seems to think she's a parot... let me make this short and simple _:: its not becoming nor is it at all lady like... especially if you're attempting to be someones friend... somewhere in the job description of friend it says something about keep personal things personal and understand that when someone comes to you in confidence reguardless of it includes other people that doesn't give you the right to speak your mind... that's the easiest way to lose not only a friend but their trust inturn.


now about these previously mention FAKE iNSECURE FL00ZiES(thx daff..lol) girls...its still amazes me everytime.! for more details feel free to view daffi's blog... and if the shoe fits then maybe you needed to go shopping.


oh yes.! to the one that has so causally made me apart of their "neglection list" not by choice or force but bcuz time evades you daily and youve become just that busy... let me remind you that up until your recent saga you happend managed your relationship just fine for 2.5 years and communicating was far from an issue... i should know seeing as im still waiting for some fone calls back bcuz you need to commit to that... ive sed it before and although i dislike doing it ill repeat myself... "yes im patient but that doesn't mean ill wait forever".


which brings me to the MAiN EVENT the ku.da.graw the GRAND FiNALE... well maybe not bcuz ill still have more to say but you understand...

for the one who failed to think about my feelings and understand my patience... you hurt me..[period] not me physically but me emotionally and im not sure if you care to remember... bcuz its not like you dont know bcuz you've already admitted your fault... but more like you've just flipped an internal light switch that has cut every EVERYTHiNG off.!! so let me just say this, we've established that im different and we know that im a "rare breed" so since we know this can we (well you not me i already understand how i work) attempt to be a lot more understanding that the one thing we can't control other then love is time and both of those can only come w. patience which you've witnesed in the flesh...(Hi.!) so don't be so quick to jump the gun bcuz a short temper allots for misunderstandings and hurt feelings and you've alredy accomplished the 2nd one...


so now that ive had a partial reboot my systems aren't down nor are they running slow but i do suggest that this hard drive has a disk clean up or some spyware installed soon bcuz before we all know it im gonna CRASH.!!

p.s. & if these words seemed to hit you then i didnt mean to miss


..mylife..

..insecure..

insecure:
1.) subject to fears, doubts, etc; not self-confident or assured
2.) not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious

now im sure you are ALL wondering why a girl like me is looking up the word insecure... ha ha ha trust me its not for my personal benefit more like a P.S.A (public service announcement...for you none vo.tech t.v. production kids)

ATTENTi0N.!!! to all the insecure ladies in the world... im sorry that you are not confident enough in yourself to allow your man to have female friends... but im REALLY gettin tired of have to justify defend and explain my friendships to these insecure ass girls.!! uggh its just sooo frustrating...


so here let me make this so very simple bcuz that's the mind set you've got to be in to feel this way.!!

your insecurities are YOUR issue NOT mine i can not help it if in YOUR little head you have convinced yourself that i want your man... im sorry sweetie ive been spoken for the past 3 years of my life and if/when im single its for my own reason NOT to take you boyfriend...

& while were on the subject of girls let me just say that i don't like FAKE girls either.!! please don't smile in my face one month and the next cut your eyes at me... HELL0.?! im not oblivious to the obvious im a girl too last time i checked(.5 seconds ago) and i know we're not programed to always get along but don't use me to be your friend bcuz "you don't have any"


whoo.! not that ive got that off my chest who's hungry i get paid in 10mins.!!

..vive para el baile..

so i have offically decided as of yesterday(10.8.08) that i am on a serious dance mission i have from now until January 1st to train up... in every which way imaginable.! 3 classes a week between now and then gives me 36 classes give or take... not to mention the occasional workshop here & there (urban legands Nov. 15 & 16...whooo SD here comes HiFiLV.!!) so that way by the 1st i will be a BEAST.!! well not a "beast" presay but you get the idea... this is what i live for so im gonna put 200% into it...


..mylife..

..trouble sleeping..

wtf.!! its the middle of the night and im up listening to slow jamz wide eyes w. tears that REFUSE to effin fall... ahhhh.!!! hmm i wonder is it too late to change my name.? nope nevermind i got it tatted on my effin back.!! well can SOMEBODY come save me qwick.! before i come up with more crazy nonsense.!!

thursday schedule _::
-work 8-5... i swear if i didnt have a night life id be like a 50yr old woman who worked monday to friday and came home to her cat name cupcake.!!
-hair done... now this little project has been in the works for 2 weeks now due to me N0T being able to find my damn sister.!!
-class w. aj... dance my stress relief, nuff said.!!
-sleep... the only place my nitemare D0ESNT exsist.!!

(Dear Feelings & Emotions,
if you don't mind i need you to turn yourseleves off for the nxt few months so i can reach my goal w. a clear head and no confusion...
Love,
Schae)

..baaaaallllin..

what a day what a day...

i received an interesting text this morning that's just "set my morning off right.!!" as the bestfriend Ashley would say... i just don't understand why these "grown" people can't seem to act right... but i guess Salome was right _:: "mutha fucks just act different when it comes to money" & its true.! but i know i won't be happy until i have my own...so im on a serious countdown N0VEMEBER 8TH.! is the day... and if things a final by the 16th then im definitely gonna lose it.!! so i guess my next question is _:: "who needs a room mate.?" ha ha ha.!!

HiFi HiFi HiFi oh how much i love you bytches.! we dance, we run cross country we do art n' crafts we sing in the choir & need our Jesus and now we ball together lol... yes ladies we are officially ballers.!! playing basketball tonight was interesting and fun at the sometime... but we're definitely gonna feel this in the morning... s0niC was fun "if you don't wash behind your ears you are N0T Ms. Independent.!!!" lets do it again next week shall we.??

well now its time to go home... gotta drop off the Patti Cakes first then its off to casa del drama... ugh.!

..my life..
(expect another one soon)

this in.SURE.rance is not very rea.SURE.ing

my accident was on september 15th today is october 8th and im just NOW getting some feedback... and you wanna know what i was.?

$550

yep $550effin a dollars...for my "pain & suffering" WHAT exactly am i supposed to do w. that.? someone explain to me please before i lose it and act ugly with progressive which by the way is NOT very progressive w. their customer service.!!

..my life..

..the morning after..

::sigh:: i had a conversation w. you last night and it really took my breathe away... i mean _::

"is it possible to stop caring overnight like.?"

apparently it is bcuz you expected me to.. but damn im so different and biologically programed to love all the damn time idk how to forget...
well i guess Janet was right_::
"that's the way love goes"

hello there...

hi im Schae!! but some people call me love... the reason.. you'll have to figure out on your own... this is my blog my space my release... feel free to enjoy it at your own risk... but i won't take responsibility for any hurt feelings in the process (you probably shouldn't have said it in the first place...) this is a true story so take notes...