so i'm just getting home from my conversation with God... i drove out to Redrock, to the spot where i had my very first photoshoot w. Janna and stood there and let the wind blow all around me. it was a settling feeling, bcuz i was the only thing that was moving. no dust no rocks no derby. just me walking in the wind. from the spot i was standing you can see the las vegas strip... and i took a picture, now i dont know if its because of the wind and the fact that my hand was shaking but i know my camera can detect stability on its own. my first picture came out very blurry and i though it was very symbolic... that i drove up here really not knowing where i was going why i was going there and what i was going to find when i got there... all i knew was that i was confused and couldnt see or think straight. and thats how my picture came out, blurry and confused. so the wind started to blow harder, so i decided to sit on the hood of my car and just listen. im not sure what i was listening for but i sat there for a moment and began to listen and before i knew it i was in tears and speaking in tongues... thats a really great feeling to be wrapped up in the spirit... but its something totally different when your confessing your hurts... its like everything that was building up inside for however long just decided that very moment it was going to come out if you wanted to or not. it also ment that someone else was going though the very same thing i was going through and i had to be the sacrifice for the both of us... im glad that i followed my instinct and actually got up when God said go.. because if not i dont think i would feel as good as i do now.... i know am glad that on my way back down i was tested to see if i had
learned anything and i can proudly say that i can... and theres going to be ALOT of very unhappy (or uncaring) people over the next few weeks as i dont answer my phone and dont respond to my text messages... i was once told the 5 people closest to you are reflections of yourself, well maybe thats why no one is around because non of those 5 people where headed in the same direction i was already passing... it feels WONDERFUL to be able to release and have a clear sound mind... no longer will i be worried about whos doing what and not spending time with me because quite frankly " dont give a damn my dear." i havent smiled like this in a while... i began to miss myself... what a joyous occasion.!!! what a wonderful way to close out the last few weeks of my hiatus... this by far has been one of the best learning experiences through this journey...

a picture tells 1000 words....

Unusual You- Jawkeen and Chelsea





so ive been having this constant conversation with my bestfriend about how a good dancer is a well rounded dancer, and have no issue with trying something new even if they look stupid because it helps them grow...(she agrees btw, we arent just jazz &. ballet THANKS.!!) so then i went on Jawkeens page and i saw this video(see above) now we all know that Jawkeen has some sick stuff both girly/cunty and ghetto/hood/boy stuff but im sure that contemporary &. Jawkeen arent too things you would've put together... and for those of you who know Chelsea her backgroun dis jazz ballet...she's an LVA graduate(& is also auditioning for So You Thin You Can Dance)...

joke of the weekend....

Schae is insecure.!!! thats the funniest thing ive heard all damn weekend.!!!
yea you a funny one my dude.!!

..its my birthday i can cry if i want to..

man tonights is one of those nights where i just want to cry.!! im not exactly sure why or whats causing this wave of emotion but it sucks major.!! but the part that really has me bent is the fact that the tears wont come.!! ahhhhhhh.!! Jem &. i were talkin about that a few weeks ago... like when you WANT to cry you cant but when you DONT want to cry that ish come pouring out like the Mississippi River or something.!! man this is wack.!! i just want to cry &. get it over w.!!

anyway checkout my other blog:
schaes90days.blogspot.com


im out.!!

..no words..

okay sooo i didnt want to comment on the Chris Brown &. Rhianna situation. UNTIL i saw this picture... &. all i can do is feel EVEN MORE for Rhianna, there is NO REASON, EXPLANATION, or JUSTiFiCATiON as to why ANYBODY can say "well maybe she did something to deserve it." NO ONE whether it be male or female deserves to beaten no matter what the situation might be. for all the people (especially my male friends) take a look at this picture &. tell me that she "DESERVED" or "PROVOKED" this beating...

my 90 day hiatus...

for the next 90 days i may or may not be around... you might catch me on a good day or a day where im taking in the view... dont take it personal... TRUST ME this has nothing to do with you... its just that time in life where i stop being nice to everyone else and start being nice to me.!!

..EKETC how i LOVE thee..

okay soooo we had our EKETC. workshop on friday, and Joey from FORMALity SD came and taught *Groove... along w. normal class it was also an open audition for persons that wanted to be considered for Formality or Hi-Fi.! alot i know right.?! well after the workshop we had our own rehearsal and Oh Boy was it fun.!! the piece wasnt something major or hecka hard it was just basic hip.hop 101 so that the people already in the company could refresh their basics and the people being considered could showkase where they were at with their dance skill i guess... idk.!! man all i know is i had soooooo much fun.!!! it was like a normal class: they teach we run it they clean we run it again they clean run it some some split into groups blah blah blah... then the cirtiques came.!! lol it wasnt nothin bad just dance BIG.!! so everyone did... then it came down to that dreadful cheorographers pick and i was one... now im not gonna lie i was soooooo nervous.!! i thought i was gonna forget the cheoreo. but i was lucky that daffi and ramey were there sooo it wasnt that bad... i love those girlies.!! so after im all tired sweated my hair out and ish.! Joey says "umm let's have Schae by herself.!" WHAT.?!!!!!!!!! i know man i was sooo nervous i was think oh snaps what did i do wrong.? he is about to give me the run down FOR REALS.! then i hear "BOOTY BATTLE.!!" haha.! crazy kids.!! but you know me i cant turn down a challenge in an area im good at soooo "i went it bitch.!" and it was soooo much fun.!! i loved it.! i havent felt that HAPPY with dance in a really long time.!! so now im home in my bed w. a huge smile on my face awaiting tomorrow's 11am rehearsal.!!

..a brighter day..

yayayayayaay.!! so im finally out of the roomate situation... well almost.! she decided to move out (thank you jesus) and my sister/friend/baby momma TiANA is moving in.!! this is wondeful im so happy... im not gonna lie i wish the situation w. roomie could've ended better but hey.! you live and you learn right.?! so now the next thing to do is ger her off the lease and get tiana on.!!

..b.scott's answer to everything..

..living arrangements..

okay so i was all excited about moving into my condo and having a roomie blah blah blah... right.? well THAT has quickly changed... VERY quickly.!! in just a matter of a few months my room mate has gone a dream to a nightmare and its all because of her damn boyfriend.!! who in the begining i chose to keep my comments to myself about, but i am now wishing i would've set down the rules in the begining.!! hmm... maybe i should go back two months so you can understand... sowe moved in dec. 19, 2008 and upon moving in i was told that the boyfriend(ill keep them nameless if you dont already know them.!) would only be staying over SOMETIMES(let me repeat...)SOMETIMES.!! and i was okay with SOMETIMES.! well the first week niether one of them were there because they were out of town for the holidays so i spent the week settleing in, unpacking and washing clothes in MY(you'll understand the bold in a sec.)MY washing machine. i did this for a week... cleaning and washing clothes. Well the FIRST DAY that roomie gets back she breaks MY washing machine.! and says "i think something is wrong w. your washine machine... it doesnt work." ummm YEA because you broke it duh.!! (ugh)... so time goes by (my washing machine is STILL broken) and im on a mad goosechase to try and find a good home for True(my puppy) and at first it was ALL bad.!! but shortly after good news(or what i thought was "good news" came on the horizon(read counterfit for details) so i was all excited and then let down shortly after... but as all of this is going on i start to notice damon being there a little more than "SOMETIMES" but being the nice person that i am i didnt say anything assuming that roomie would come to me. either that or i was seeing things... but soon after roomie came to me w. this boo hoo story about how evil a woman boyfriends mom was and how he had no place to go and asked how i felt about him staying there w. us. my immediate & natural response was "let me think about it" now i should've just followed my gut and said no...HELL NO.! right away but i thought about it bcuz i know how it is to not have a place to go... so i mulled it over for a few days talked to mi madre and she agreed that if he was gonna stay there then all bills should be split 3 ways... and for some that may be harsh but seeing as our COMBINED rent is $750 split three ways aint NOTHING and you cant find rent that cheap ANYWHERE not even the budget suits.!! (hahaha.!) well roomie didnt like that and thats when the backlash started.!! i suddenly became a selfish bitch blah blah blah... but let me remind you (those who read counterfit) i broke my ass to find true a good home so we wouldnt get evicted, lost my bank account, and faced fraud charges all because she kept bitching about MY dog living there...but when i tell her that her boyfriend cant stay now im rude and selfish.? Ha.! gimmie a break.!! man idk whats goin on all i know is shes moving out and before she leaves imma have a new washing machine.!!

..living arrangements..

okay so i was all excited about moving into my condo and having a roomie blah blah blah... right.? well THAT has quickly changed... VERY quickly.!! in just a matter of a few months my room mate has gone a dream to a nightmare and its all because of her damn boyfriend.!! who in the begining i chose to keep my comments to myself about, but i am now wishing i would've set down the rules in the begining.!! hmm... maybe i should go back two months so you can understand... sowe moved in dec. 19, 2008 and upon moving in i was told that the boyfriend(ill keep them nameless if you dont already know them.!) would only be staying over SOMETIMES(let me repeat...)SOMETIMES.!! and i was okay with SOMETIMES.! well the first week niether one of them were there because they were out of town for the holidays so i spent the week settleing in, unpacking and washing clothes in MY(you'll understand the bold in a sec.)MY washing machine. i did this for a week... cleaning and washing clothes. Well the FIRST DAY that roomie gets back she breaks MY washing machine.! and says "i think something is wrong w. your washine machine... it doesnt work." ummm YEA because you broke it duh.!! (ugh)... so time goes by (my washing machine is STILL broken) and im on a mad goosechase to try and find a good home for True(my puppy) and at first it was ALL bad.!! but shortly after good news(or what i thought was "good news" came on the horizon(read counterfit for details) so i was all excited and then let down shortly after... but as all of this is going on i start to notice damon being there a little more than "SOMETIMES" but being the nice person that i am i didnt say anything assuming that roomie would come to me. either that or i was seeing things... but soon after roomie came to me w. this boo hoo story about how evil a woman boyfriends mom was and how he had no place to go and asked how i felt about him staying there w. us. my immediate & natural response was "let me think about it" now i should've just followed my gut and said no...HELL NO.! right away but i thought about it bcuz i know how it is to not have a place to go... so i mulled it over for a few days talked to mi madre and she agreed that if he was gonna stay there then all bills should be split 3 ways... and for some that may be harsh but seeing as our COMBINED rent is $750 split three ways aint NOTHING and you cant find rent that cheap ANYWHERE not even the budget suits.!! (hahaha.!) well roomie didnt like that and thats when the backlash started.!! i suddenly became a selfish bitch blah blah blah... but let me remind you (those who read counterfit) i broke my ass to find true a good home so we wouldnt get evicted, lost my bank account, and faced fraud charges all because she kept bitching about MY dog living there...but when i tell her that her boyfriend cant stay now im rude and selfish.? Ha.! gimmie a break.!! man idk whats goin on all i know is shes moving out and before she leaves imma have a new washing machine.!!

..counterfit..

my day started off normal got dressed drove to work..oh wait i found out that the guy that was gonna buy true sent couterfit money orders so bofa closed my acct. for fraud of course.! so now i need to print off EVERY email between me and john doe go get the copies of the checks go to the police station file a police report go BACK to the bank and see if the will MAYBE release the my payroll check to me oh and never have a bank account with them again.!! so i immdediatly LEFT WORK i couldnt function.! i mean how could this happen.? to me.? to True.? why.?? it was too early in the morning niether the bank or police station were open so i drove home... and sat for a minute... but i was too mad to just sit there so i did what i normally did CLEANED.!! i cleaned my kitchen well more like i scrubbed my stove...yea i was mad.!! after that i felt better turned on my Sasah...Fierce pulled out my make up and went in... shit i needed to feel good about somethin.!!

so once i got to the bank they gave me the copy of the checks but took my debit card.!! ugh...!! so now im REALLY Really without money.!! and hungry THANK GOD i have food at home and can cook.!! anyway i left the bank got in my car angain and started to cry but i quickly stopped myself bcuz i spent a good 35minutes on the make.up and wasnt about to eff that up nope not at all.!! so i quickly turned the radio put the car in reverse and did it mov'n outta there.!

ugh.! the police station...i've never liked coming here this was the third time, the first didnt envovle me... domestic violence ill let the culprits remain nameless...the second was bcuz tmobile changed their policies on getting a new fone if it had been stolen and required a police report before a new fone would be issued, and the third more recent when i got in the car accident bcuz the lady in the lexus didnt want to yield.... and now again here i was back at the police station (thank goodness it was north las vegas.!) the lady at the counter LOOKED nice (keyword.?) i was soon proven wrong... after explaining my story and providing my evidence she was on the phone w. a dective who made me tell the story AGAIN.!! after his approval i was finally able to fill out a police report... i think they thought i was guilty and were trying to figure out the best way to arrest me... telling my story to the woman a secod time was like trying to pull teeth from a lion with a muzzle on.!! she just wasnt listening.!! after about an hour of explaining, paperwork, telephone calls, questions and funny looks i finally had my police report and was headed back to the bank....

im greatful that the people at the bank were nice and understanding... too bad there wasnt anything they could do. except give me my payroll check tomorrow... i know i know a silver lining on every cloud.!!


i just want to curl up in my bed under the blankets close my eyes REALLY hard open them and start today all over w.out the counterfit checks.!!

quotezme.blogspot.com

yes another blog.!! but this is a little different.... i get these daily quotes and inspirations sent to my phone... and ive had a few people ask me to send them to their phones so now im sharing with everyone.!! so they too can be inspired and start their mornings on a good foot like i do... so please please please take a visit to www.quotezme.blogspot.com and read it, take it in and respond accordingly.!!

..comfort food..

Okay so today was a bad day... actually this whole weekend was bad and ive been spending the past two days recovering... yesterday (1.12) i was supposed to go to the doctor but that was a failed attempt due to the ALL DAY traffic on the 15 North & South So i made my way to Town Square and walked around for a bit... just taking it all in the last week of 2008, Demetria visiting, B.Cam & Jordan, Sherleta's fish, Dymond, the first week of 2009, Salome & her cousin, my mom, Bruce...and before i knew it i had broke down and bought ice cream even though ive been sick for the past 3 days which i also think was inflicted by the events of the past week but who knows...
As i attempted to make my way back home traffic STILL hadn't cleared so i made my way to Planet Hollywood with a sudden mission for sunglasses ( H&M in Town Square didnt have ANY.!!) After getting new shades at Urban Outfitters i found myself in the Build-A-Bear workshop and was quickly reminded 1. why i dont like Valentines Day and 2.of ALL the HORRIBLE things that had happend in the past weekending so i left.!!! and came home... after braiding my friend Alvin's hair i showered climbed in my bed assumed the fetal position and allowed myself to be consumed w. every single emotion i thought i digested with the ice cream earlier...
Today was a blur of frustration, anger, hurt, and a need for comfort food... so once i got off i made it a point to come home and recover again... but this time w. another type of comfort food since the ice cream from yesterday didnt cure the itch... so i made Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and string beans... and it hit the spot.!! but im not sure how long this warm feeling will last... guess i better plan for tomorrows dinner because this looks like this is gonna be a LOONG rehab session...

..never say never..

another cliche' statement i know but yet again it seems to hold true right along w. the rest... i mean honestly if you think about 98.9% of the time whenever someone says "im not gonna..." they are usually temeted ith the very thing they said they wouldnt do and then further consumed with what they wouldnt by actually doing it.!! i just find it funny how the very things people speak against happen.!! not because of fate or "bad luck" but because the universe is just programed to fill voids and if by simply saying "No" is the trigger i cant imagine what the word "Never" would do... so for all those people who deem me crazy for living by the saying "whatever happens, happens." im sure are the same people who have said stuf like: "ill never let a man hit me, ill never get pregnant, ill never have a childish boy/girlfriend, ill never date a man w. kids, ill never work in retail, ill never be an insecure boy/girlfriend blah blah blah so on and so fourth..." are now kicking themselves as they look around at their surroundings evaluating their situations many for the first time and realizing "Oh Shit.!! im doing what i said i would never do." and they're kicking pretty hard...

..there cant be two Alpha's..

so as i come to an end of reading the Twilight series in a mear two weeks the only thing that i can think about right now is how "there cant be two Alphas" and how a pack will seperate and follow whom ever they see fits them not the other way around... i never realized how that could apply to the real world until i was down to nothing because God is up to something... with this realization i also noticed that im mad...angry actually and really sad, or maybe hurt would be a better choice of words... but i know that im the Alpha in my own life and that i can no longer allow the person who taught me all the time, encouraged me to always do right and to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remain a lady didnt even consider my feelings... reguardless if the situation was wrong they NEVER thought about how it would leave me emotionally and mentally weak... even if wasnt my fault that doesnt change the way EVERYONE that was envolved actions would affect me...especially since they were the person that was envolved the most...and thats the part that hurts the worst...

..practice what you preach..

i know its VERY cliche' but im starting to realize how TRUE these little "life sayings" are important to not only pay attention to but follow... this past weekending has been eventful enough for me as i finally ran across Mr. Hyde (well maybe ran across isnt the best choice of words maybe i should say shown against my will w.out a thought as to how it would make me feel even if it was wrong.) in a unsurprising,eventful,sad story... placing back where i was two weeks before the end of 2008... ALONE

..stay busy..

thats my goal over these next few months...to stay busy so that i wont become distracted with the minor things in life. and the only thing that could possibly consume that much of my time other than sleep would be dance, and thats what i plan to do... i NEED it, ive seen myself when im not consumed with dance and not only do i not like it but ive also found that i get into alot of trouble...and THATS what i dont need any more trouble... when all else fails dance.!!

..scheherazade..

sigh. my name. thats all i want to be called. is that too much to ask.? apparently so. well for some. others. not so much. this recent need to be called, scheherazade has envolved alot of purging. emotionally. its like im all of a sudden tapped into my feelings. as if i wasnt before, i know right.? but this time its different. like a pregnant woman in her 2nd trimester. whos on the verge of tears one second. and pissed off the next. so im letting it all out. dont mind the random blogs. they may or may not be for you, if they are read them and then read them again. if it helps.

..my frindboy..

it was an accident... i swear i never ment for things to happen like this... i just wanted "new aim buddies" as ive been known to say but soon things took a turn for the better and even from 2000 miles away you managed to do what the select few couldnt do in a 10 miles radius... and i must say i was hoping that it wouldnt last, like you'd mess up or that this would be some beautiful nightmare that id soon wake up from and continue through the mundane tasks that i titled ..mylife.. but that didnt happen... and now youre like my security blanket... like that little voice in the back of my head that says "its gonna be okay" whenever i start to cry... or briefly feel unimportant...
i was recently asked by one of my bestest if you were my boyfriend after seeing a "note" from you... and with a quick smile i said "no he's just my.... friendboy." and left it alone

..Dr. Jeckel & Mr. Hyde..

im not exactly sure how old i was when i finally figured out who was who in this story but im almost positive it was around the time that i saw the movie 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' after watching the movie unlike most people i didnt hate Mr. Hyde and think he was a bad person or that he should've been killed... nor did i think that Dr. Jeckel should be banned from being a doctor... i viewd it from another angle... yes Dr. Jeckel should be held accountable for coming up with the potion to turn himself into Mr. Hyde, but did anyone ever consider that Mr. Hyde was always inside of Dr. Jeckel hiding just waiting for the chance to speak up.? that maybe Mr. Hyde was Dr. Jeckel in his true self and the potion was just a mear excuse to set him free....
this thought crossed my mind as i evaluated a situation a little closer to home... realizing that i knew someone's Mr. Hyde better then i knew their Dr. Jeckel, and i soon began to wonder how often do people show you their Dr. Jeckel instead of their true self... you know the Mr. Hyde.? or in a reverse action only allowing you to see their Mr. Hyde the outragous, wild, careless, drunken part of themselves never allowing you to see the loving, caring, responsible Dr. Jeckle they hold inside... so here i am at 3am sleeping Mr. Hyde wondering if ill ever meet Dr. Jeckel...

..dirrty laundry..

i turned the corner and saw your car and my immediate reaction was? "oh shit.! of all days i decded to do laundry." not because i thought it would be bad but because i knew i would have to hide my emotions and remove my heart from my sleeve and quickly place it in my Micheal Kors bag... so that i wasnt able to hand it to you as quickly as i usually did. i made the phone call to let it be known that i had arrived and instead of the light cheerful voice i expected to answer it was you, and i was quickly reminded of all the things i couldnt say... like "i miss your face" that one seemed to make you smile instead it was a simple "im here" that i was able to spit out before quickly hanging up the phone so the rest of the word vomit wouldnt come out... i gave myself a serious pep talk as i approched the door reminding myself that it would be over soon because you werent staying long, well thats what i was informed, but as soon as entered i knew that was not the case at all you were a little to comfortable so to speak... but this comfortableness allowed a rush of emotion to find its way to my mind and i soon realized it was gonna be a looong morning...

..growing pains..

so as i sit here at work being somewhat productive i keep finding myself drifting off into thought of me and my Mr. Big... (who shall remain nameless) and over these past few days i have noticed that im falling back into some of my old practices when having a boyfriend... but this time for reasons that i didnt realize until recently... and i assume that it has alot to do with me getting older... but there are just things that say a year ago id put up with from my guy friends that were interested that now in this relationship im not soo willing... and the softee in me wants to let things slide and just be okay w. it, but i know the truth and know that its wont be okay and that makes it just that much easier to say no this time around... so im sorry for any hurt feelings that may (or may not) occur but i told myself that from now on i was going to take care of me first...