..behind every strong black man..

there's a stronger black woman... thats what we've been told from the time we were little... and for me i never thought that it was true until i started dating...and even then i realized that i 1. wasnt dating men and 2. they werent strong at all and i soon came to realize this more and more as i had friends come to me with their troubles reguarding their relationships with their "strong black men" (lol) and the more i would offer advice and listen to the stories the less i would believe the statement...

this went on for quite sometime... actually it wasnt until this years election did i begin to have a change of heart and tap into two emotions/feelings that i shut down a VERY long time ago...(hope & love)

watching President ( i have soo much joy w. saying that) Barack Obama and his wife Michelle (along w. their children of course.!) made me realize that no matter how busy someone might be, no matter how much someone may have on their plate, no matter what club group organization or say i dont know a COUNTRY they just so happen to be involved with or in charge of... you always Always ALWAYS have to keep you loved ones close... not supporting you from the sidelines but right there in the game with you...

futhermore no matter how important you become and no matter if you have and ENTIRE COUNTRY awaiting your first move as a man your first job was son husband and father and you cant forget that... and President Elect Obama is the perfect example of this... throughout this entire election we witness a many occasions where President Obama acknowledged not only his family but the support from his wife... not to mention article about "Why He Loves His Wife" in US weekly...

i think it not only obvious but apparent that President Obama makes time for Michelle... and the time that he does make for her isnt time she has to share with the United States of America, it isnt time where hes her President (yes shes a citizen who has to follow laws in this country too...), it isnt time that she has to be Mom and hes Dad... its ginuine time where its JUST Michelle and Barack no intruptions... time they spend together daily... he makes sure that she still feels like shes his number one... even if hes running country and fixing the mess that Bushy guy made.! and im almost positive he doesnt forget to call her back and if so we ALL know she'll get in his ass...

this relationship is the perfect example of not only love but the saying that every black woman hears from the time she is little...

behind every strong black man theres a stronger black woman

..will you say yes.?..

over these past few weeks i found myself not being able to worship... and not having a reason to be thankful but i turned this on and it made everything better.... often times we get too comfortable in our everyday lives and we forget why we're here and what our TRUE purpose is... its not to get caught up in the he say she say and the judgement and the gossip, its not to get caught up in peer pressue and worldly things becuase we dont want to be "left out" WHO CARES.?! if you want to get yo praise on the go ahead.!! rejoices and be glad in it... and the people who TRUELY care and are what you condiser friends/family or whatever with get up and praise,cry and worship right along with you... so as you push playblisten to the words of the song and really allow them to pour in(grab some tissue you may cry) and for those who dont believe in a higher power then this isnt for you and you can go on about your way no hard feelings but for those of you who are like me... prepare to worship.!!





PART ONE....






PART TWO...

..my sunday night date..

okay sooo as we all know my friends a very Very VERY limited... due to the fact that girls are messy and fake and im tired of doing for others who dont do for me... or at least say thank you... so my limited list has gone from one person (ms. ashley lynnae) to two (ms. Salome... her soul singz) i really do love that girl.!!

now as girls we tend to have these things called emotions and we cant always predict which way they will go...and recently Salomes have been going left when they need to be going right... sensing this i had to do a SERIOUS intervention... hence my sunday night date....

after a long day of work for salome and shopping for myself and a good 2hr. nap we went to Ra at the fashion Show for Happy Hour... and for those who have been to Ra you know the food is splendiforious(in the words of B.Scott... check him out.!!) and those who havent and the few that ive been asking time and time again ha ha SUCKAS.! you missed out bcuz me and my boo had a GREAT time and had WONDERFUL food.!! and for just a short period of time i was capable to get Salomes mind off of the bad so we could enjoy the good over some delicious eats.!! Ra definitly gets 5 stars from both of us... and we will be back next sunday... its an offical date nite...


see you there maybe.?

..respect..

i am offically done.!!
yep its over... nomore niggas...
none at all... ive come to terms
with the fact that niggas are just
DIS-RE-SPECT-FUL
plain and simple
nothing more and
a WHOLE lot less...
thats forsure...ugh.!!
my weekend was throughly disrupted
by disrespectful ass niggas.!!
by these lude rude obnoxious actions
ive been forced to change my number
for the THiRD time....

ugh..


..mylife..

..silly hoes..

yea i had to bring it back... im a little disturbed at the moment.... i just mite make my own video.!! anyway peep the vid to see where im coming from...

..stilettos, pumps in the club..

well more like my job... so as i stepped into Republic Services with my black patent leather round toe baby doll stilettos on... i was asked,

"Schae, why do you always come to work dressed up.? ive only seen you in sneakers like 3 times..."

now i know what some of you are thinking... "BiTCH.! why do you care while youre wearing Fruit of the Loom sweats to work EVERYDAY.!!" now outside of the workplace that just might have been my response but because i have a good job and dont want to lose it i gathered my thoughts and responed in the most lady like tone i could force out and simple said,

"because i feel more comfortable in heels... theyre like my bestfriend.!"

and kept on my way... but as i proceeded up the elevator and into my office i stopped and thought, "why do people make such a big deal about what everyone else is doing... ESEPCIALLY women.!!??" so in this thought process i reached my office and immediatley put on Christina Aguilera's Back to Basics on and played track 11...Still Dirrty for a little confidence boost and went on about my day... so here have a listen... still dirrty

..confidence is key, right.?..

is it just me or does it seem like when youre very confident in whatever you do or who you are it makes others uncomfortable...

like when men that are gay are comfortable and confident with their sexuality and have no issue with telling you that they are gay.. it makes other people that around feel uncomfortable causing them to all of a sudden question there own sexuality as if they were to have all of a sudden turned gay just because the man next to them is...

or when a woman has no issue talking about sex and isnt ashamed... she not only is suddenly looked at like a whore but dont let a grandma be around because she is instantly seen has fast among a few other not so nice sterotypes...

why is confidence so intimidating.? but everyone demands it... i mean its soo damn popular Ms. Britney Spears says it herself...

"Confidence is a must, cockiness is a pluss, edginess is a rush..."

if its come to the point where we're putting it in the lyrics of our songs... there should be no reason at all why it should make anyone uncomfortable... i mean its what you asked for... CONFIDENCE right.?

..i dont mind..

because you dont matter.... lol.! i know very myspace but its true and i really had to remind myself of this cute little saying... this past weekend i found myself subjected to what we'll call hater-isim... lol and i was mad,hurt,upset,pissed off and ready to "whoop that trick" but i had to remind myself::

"mind over matter... i dont mind because you dont matter..."

and calm myself down and not allow my feelings to get hurt by others hater-ish actions... which resulted in a conversation with myself...

scheherazade: why are you getting mad.? do you really care.?
schae: i shouldnt but i do...
scheherazade: well then dont, its not like you cant live without them right.?
schae: yea i know but...
scheherazade: but what.? you thought if you were nice to them theyd be nice to you.? hahaha no foolish one... they didnt mind so you didnt matter... see the point.? dont get caught up in others opinions... because youll end up living your life for their judgement and not for yourself... it is better to be loved by few then to be hated by many...

which really and quickly put things in perspective for me... so i THANK YOU.!! for your hater-ish and juvinille behavior... for without it i wouldnt have gotten back to my typical say what i want self... what do we tell them Ashley.?

im a force to be reckoned with...so get to work.!!

..insane or just stupid..

i read that the ultimate definition of insanity is doing the samething over and over--and expecting different results...

well shit what if you arent doing it on purspose.? what if you just keep finding yourself in the same situations over and over.? i guess that would still make you insane for continuing to participate... or is that stupidity.? ignorance maybe.?

that would explain why you chose to stay... but only a woman completly out of her mind could continue to love a man thats not only cheating on her but is fully aware and still lets him walk out of the door every night knowing that he wont come back until the next morning... so maybe it is insanity...

but when does stupidity step in.? when youre told time and time again that he doesnt want to be with you and to stop calling and you leave 103missed calls on his screen and 68unread messages in his inbox [true story] holding up his line so much that his own sister cant get through to let him know shes outside waiting in the cold with a sick puppy... is that stupid or insane or just plain crazy.?!

"its okay to be in love. in fact, its one of the greatest abilities in this lifetime. its NOT okay to be submerged so much in someone else that you forget the person you were, that they fell in love with."-Salome S.

..a love like..

(*w. inspiration frm big sis Salome)

i want a love that makes me smile with just one thought of you
the kind where i fall asleep on your chest not because i was tired
but because i like the sound of your heart beat...

the love where you text me "wyd.?" and i know it really means "i love you"
or the kind where i toss and turn at night because you arent by my side
that love that makes us find each other across the room just to quickly look away...

i need a love that makes me value who i am just that much more
because he validates not just my body but my feelings too
or the love that makes me call my daddy and all i can do is smile when he asks about you

and check this out i want that kind of love that lets us have our own inside jokes
that make us bring them up randomly just to get a response...

the kind of love that makes me giggle and smile everytime someone mentions your name
you know the kind that makes you blush & gives you butterflies...
the love that makes me appreciate our distence because absense makes the heart grow fonder

and oooo shit i want that love that makes me bring a tear to my eye when we're intimate
because we're not just intimate but into each other kind of love
that kind of love you only read about in fairy tales and wish would come true
sorta love...

i want that love that makes us send random pictures to each other
not because its the cool thing to do, but because we're both secretly jealous
and only sent the pictures for a random thought of the other in the middle of the day
dont forget about what you got at home kind of love

the love that makes me love them hatin ass females that came before me but failed
you know the kind that makes you show yo lady off because shes yours if not for any other reason
kind of love...

the kind that makes us confident to be together
but even stronger to be apart because we never know when we'll see each other again type of love
yo know the love that makes my ass hop on a plane, fly across the country, just because i missed you
even though we both know i HATE flying... yep.! THAT kind of love...

and peep this i want the kind of love that makes me forget about every other kiss and hug
in the world because yours are the only ones i need ever again...
the kind that makes me write your name and hearts on a piece of paper all day
when i know i should be working...


but you see ive found this love quite sometime ago
it was just one of those things that had to grow...
and it just brings a smile to my face just thinking about
our love...

..The Hills..

so as i sit here at my brothers house and indulge in season one of the Hills as if ive never seen it before i am quickly realizing how Lauren's t.v. drama is starting to become my real life drama... now for those of you who dont watch the Hills i suggest renting season one and cathcing up... but as for everybody else... JASON iS BACK.?!! and we ALL know who Jason is... and as i stated in ..batman returns.. i wasnt going to persue... well its a good thing i rememebered what happend to Lauren in season 3 when Jason got engaged to someone else and invited Lauren to the Engagement Party.!! (wtf.?! yea i KNOW.!) so ive decided thats NOT happening to me not at all... so i am offically calling myself friends with Ceasaryc... nothing more but it could ALWAYS be less...

..mylife..

..whats done in the dark.

ALWAYS comes to the light....my girl Jill Scott hit the nail on the head w. this one... ha ha ha.!! and im not exactly sure if i preffer that one or if i agree w. my girl Bre & my HiFi "sisiter" Ramey when they said...

"you cant keep a secret...its the dance world.!"

but as i sit here at home w. my brothers turning down LAST MINUTE invatations to kick backs, trips to Poetry, and Birthday parties... i quickly realize how much ive grown up as a person not only in the past two years from 18 to 20... but from August to now... but i do know two things that havent chaged: 1. the fact the i STILL dont like liers and 2. how quickly my feelings are able to be hurt... it sucks when you try and it only turns around and smacks you in the face... but its worse when you think youre doing soo good but behind closed doors something else something TOTALLY different...

so let me just say this... we come into this world and often time leave alone... but while we're here on earth its our responsibility to bring people into our lives that bring joy,positivity, and good times... along the way they teach us lessons good and bad all the while learning about who we are... and in the end the final goal is to leave more sussessful then when we arrived...

..mommy knows best..

so its 2.43 in the morning and i just so happen to wake up... no reason... no alarm, no phone call, text message, not even True... just woke up on my own... shortly after i woke up though i was quickly greeted w. a text from 347 explaining how he had 11 hours of sleep...(lucky bastard) well while this is going on i quickly notice that True (my puppy for those who are new or refuse to pay attention) is still not feeling good

[side note_:: he was dragging his butt the day before but i didnt think twice about it because hes already been dewormed and stuff]

so i decide to find a 24 hour hospital.. (thats kind of redundant i mean arent ALL emergency rooms 24hours.? lol) thanks to my handy G1 (thank you tmobile.!) so i find a Vet and immediatley call and explain True's symptoms... so she suggests that i bring him in (after telling her he just threw up on the carpet i dont care about because im FiNALLY moving.!! because she fears he may have Parvo(which is a ver common disease in puppies google it.!) knowing what Parvo is and that its know to cause DEATH.!! i quickly jump up get dressed wrap True in a blanket grab the G1, Gucci, Keys and leave.!! (whoo what a rush.!)

as im getting to the hospital thanks to my T-mobile G1 and its yellow pages & maps for driving directions... True attempts to go to the bathroom in my front seat.!! Thank God 1. he didnt really have to go and 2. there was a towel wrapping him up bcuz that wouldve been all bad.!

once we arrive to the hospital the Vet first test True for Parvo... and he was so good.! im so proud of him because personally i couldnt stay calm as someone stuck a Q-tip up my butt...idk about you but i would've done it movin outta there... but him didnt he just stood there and took like a little man.! after 22 minutes of waiting for the test...(yes 22 random i know.!) we find out he doesnt have Parvo (yay.!! that just saved me abot 1,000bucks right there) and she determines that he probablly just has parasites or worms and that he just needs some medicine and the stay over night for observation...

[side note_:: he only weighs 4 pounds and most likely wont get any bigger the 8... BARELY.!!]

so i say my goodbyes and head home...where i am now up at 4 something writing this... its funny how when you were younger you could sleep through ANYTHING but the older you get and the more you know the more alert you become even if its for the tiniest of things... im glad True is okay and that Parvo isnt an issue because i just got him and aside from the 1,000plus dollars i might've had to spend im not exactly sure if i could've handled loosing him when i just got him.! all in all everything is well.....



..mylife..

..lions, tigers, & bears..

im not scared of lions and tigers and bears no im not.! but im scared of loving you... im not scared to preform at a sold out affair thats right.! but im scared of loving you... am i the only one who think its an impossible task why it dont last.? is that too much to ask.? why do we love love when love seems to hate us.?

sorry if i sound so filled with gloom
you say you care and i know you do
but this is from my experience
and my conclusion only makes sense
just cause i love you and you love me
it doesnt mean that we're ment to be
i can climb mountains, swim cross the seas
but the most frightening this is you and me

im not scared of lions and tigers and bears no im not.! but im scared of loving you... im not scared to preform at a sold out affair thats right.! but im scared of loving you... am i the only one who think its an impossible task why it dont last.? is that too much to ask.? why do we love love when love seems to hate us.?

most circumstances i know my fate
but in this lovething i dont get the game
why does it feel like those who give in
they only wind up losing a friend
just casue i love you and you love me
it doesnt mean that we'll ever be
fly cross the qcean, dance for the queen
but the most frightening thing is you and me

im not scared of lions and tigers and bears no im not.! but im scared of loving you... im not scared to preform at a sold out affair thats right.! but im scared of loving you... am i the only one who think its an impossible task why it dont last.? is that too much to ask.? why do we love love when love seems to hate us.?

im not sure no im not sure
but if we never try we'll never know
its better to have loved than not to love at all
but trying is worst than to stumble and fall
and if we do id rather it be with you
cause at least there will be sweet memories

im not scared of lions and tigers and bears no im not.! but im scared of loving you... im not scared to preform at a sold out affair thats right.! but im scared of loving you... am i the only one who think its an impossible task why it dont last.? is that too much to ask.? why do we love love when love seems to hate us.?

..batman returns..

all i can say isOh Shit.!! so a few days ago i was at my sisters house and she told me that she wanted to start "dancing" so i said okay and that i would get in contact with my connect and see if he could get her into a club...

well my connect happens to be my ex... and this isnt just any ex this is the first ex...the big ex...the one i was gonna marry ex... yep you guessed it Ceasaryc;better known as Cez or B@tm@n(for you Palamino goers..lol)... so i text him and let him know that "Dia Mon" wants to start dancing and to do me that favor... well in the mist of this we begin conversing... and somehow i found myself with him last night at a friend of his to play spades... knowin damn well my ass dont know how to play no darn spades... but HiFi got cancled and i yet again didnt want to be home (i really need to move.!) so i was like what the heck.? why not i mean im alot older have alot more control and my interest is so obviously somewhere else(Salome BG is in 94 days woot woot.!!!]

so he comes to get me and that was the first eye opener... he got a new car, yay him.! so i get in the car and the first thing i notice is his face is fat.! but his body isnt.... (is that possible.? second eye opener) so as we get to his friends house we had to sit outside and wait for like 20minutes before we decide to go to the Canery to get his friends keys while he was on the craps table...

so as the night progresses... i have a drink (just one had to go to work plus they didnt have the BB Merlot...lol) and ate good... his friend is a really good cook.!! but 1.30a approaches and i decide that its time to go home... so he takes me home right away which is a surprise bcuz in the past i would have to fight w. him to take me home... but not this time he just grabbed the keys and we walked outside...

as we pulled up to my house i prepare to get out the car and look at him and realize that hes giving me that "Schae youre bullshittin" look and i say "i hate when you look at me like that.!" well in this process of idk what youre talking about... he proceeds to pull me in an kiss me.!! ahhhhh.!! i KNOW.! watthehey.?! so he continues w. this conversation about how we should just see what happens leaning in the direction of trying again...



[PAUSE]
now my momma and ms. mya angelou have always said when someone shows you who they are the first time... and after almost 2.5 years and two chances with this person you would think i figured out who he his by now right.?! EXACTLY.!!! okay just had to make sure we were on the same page...



[PLAY]
now i wont lie... i was just a little bit curious to see what this 22yrs old Ceasaryc had to offer i mean alot can happen in two years... but i was quickly VERY QUICKLY reminded of all the hit he put me through and how i dont really trust males because of him...and immedialty told myself no... HELL NO SCHEHERAZADE.!! ARE YOU CRAZY BiTCH.?! but he continued to execute his plan by sayin... "dont think about it... we'll just see what happens" so i had to fall back and re evaluate this situation... & came to this conclusion...i will continue to do Schae... bcuz im having sooooo much fun... and if he was serious about all the things he said(i didnt include details dont need yall knowing everything....lol) then he will do what he needs to do to have it... its just that simple... theres no getting around that...


..mylife..

..wheres my big head..

i would just like to say that i dont appreciate my big head disappearing for the past 4 days... just fell right off the planet earth.! what type of shit is that.?!! ahhhhh

..tears on my pillow..

ugh.! i cant stop crying and my heart wont stop hurting... missing someone is worse then breaking up with them...


ill just keep these tears on my pillow

..my first love..

im not exactly sure when it began or why for that matter... all i know is i do... and everytime i think about you its just a confirmation not only to myself but to my heart... i never had to convience myself that it was true nor did i ever have doubt... i just knew... and maybe thats why all my other relationships failed to work... bcuz i already knew the truth... which would easily explain all the phone calls to you when things wouldnt go according to what i thought was "the plan"... it wasnt because you knew just what to say and when to say it but because just like me you already knew... and over time the thing that became soo small suddenly became an elephant in a room with no windows... its unavoidable... and ive come to terms with it... things happen the way they do to the people it does for a reason... and no matter how many different ways you try to avoid it no matter what you find yourself standing infront of a moutain that was only supposed to be there for 5days and now its been 5 years... i tired to tell myself that maybe i was crazy... and that things would never work in my favor... but then im reminded of our constant and less frequent conversation and i quickly remember "oh yea he gets me.!" and i just leave it alone... bcuz i know that patience is a virtue... but. my doubt in it overall aside from you has me scared that it wont happen at all... but "in due time" thats what im told... so i will continue to be that woman you just sits there.. and constantly understand... with a belly full of patience & a caring hand... but the one thing i know wont EVER change is that i love you.!



...yep thats still the same

..restless..

its 2.45 in thee morning and im wishing i didnt take that nap earlier... even tho it was a really good one its 2 effin45 in the morning and what am i doing.? writing a damn blg... ha ha ha LAME.! i should be sleep i have work with the never quiet assistant at 8... ahhhh.! i really should pray about that one... bcuz i dont think my brain can take her anymore... its like she talks just to fill the silence... umm HELLO.!!??? its quiet for a reason so HUSH woman... damn.! im not ready for this... maybe i should go to sleep damn didnt get to see Big tonight & the future husband went to sleep ealry... blah.!





..mylife..

..lost souls..

so my friend janna works at the Erotic Heterige Muesum and shes always telling me how exciting it is and how much fun she has at work... well back in october she posted a bulletin on myspace asking for people to help out at their Lost Souls Carnival... so being the curious person that i am i said i wanted to help out (this is BEFORE i knew about youth explosion and the super galatic workshop at groove...in response to the calls and texts i keep getting....)

So as the day gets closer for the carnival we have our few meetings informing us for what Lost Souls is and what each person will be doing at the event... alomg with a free tour of the muesum which provides a indepth history on sex & porn... very interesting yall should go... and its not even on a freaky nasty level... you can really learn somethin...

anyways... so the carnival FINALLY gets here and both Janna and i decide to dress up... i mean it was kinda the point of the night...lol but aside from us dressing up as Strawberry Shortcake & a Naughty School Girl (you can guess which one i was) i met some very fun interesting and very giving people... its always the people that socity calls strange that are the most charitable... the most loving... and the most fun.!! now ive never been the type of person to judge others because i know its not my place... besides the fact that i know that everyone is different and is entitled to their own well EVERYTHING.! and last night was a true test... and i can proudly say i passed.!! and had a good tome in the process... and yes i would do it all over again if asked... but next time ill invite more people so they can have fun too

..did i ask..

okay so its almost 9.30 in the morning and today has already "started" if you know what i mean... so i sent out this mass text message saying that im no longer on aim due to my new G1 and that if you need to contact me that you need to text me bcuz i obviously wont get your aim bcuz im not signed on...[duh.!] well i guess somewhere in that message i must've said something about "do you like the fone.?" bcuz someone took it upon their self to inform me that not only do they dislike the G1 but they preffer the Sprint instict...


ummm.......EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hello.?? is anybody listening.?

i did NOT ask you if you like the damn phone... on top of the fact that bitch you have tmobile so why would yo give a damn about the SPRINT instinct.!?!? not to mention i didnt ask your opinion i was just letting you know how to get in contact w. me... but she proceeded to wish me good luck with my new phone bcuz she coouldnt imagine getting rid of her Sk(sidekick)

well babygirl you obviously werent paying attention to when Beyonce said "let me upgrade you" bcuz class is in session and you just failed.!! ughh.!! Lord take me highhhhhhhheerrrr.!! whoooo.!! i was just trying to be nice and let my few friends and MANY associates know that i wasnt ignoring them (well all but one but she doesnt 1. have TIME to read this and 2. doesnt care enuff to notice im ignoring her...) and let them know that im not dead... and what do i get back.? simple bitches and their unwanted opinions.... why.?! can someone please explain this to me.? i mean if i wanted commentary i would've posted a blog and asked who liked the G1 and who didnt right.?? oh well you cant save everybody....

..mylife...

..kissing game..

im not excatly shure when it happend or why for that matter BUT due to a recent trip down memory lane i have come to realiz people make kissing waaaaaayyyy harder then it has to be.... leaving them to tell me that im a great kisser and although that maybe the case... i refuse to give myself that much credit especially when kissing is NOT that damn hard...

so in my recent observation ive decided to provide everyone including myself one word when it comes to the art of kissing bcuz that what it is... an art form....

RELAX.!!

i mean honestly thats all it takes and quite frankly you would think thats common sense... if you just relax your lips they become softer and easier to kiss instead of pressing your lips and making them hard...but obviously its not bcuz im sure im not alone when i say ive had some BAD kissing experiences... but it was brought to my attention a few days ago as a friend of mine told me of her HORRIBLE kissing experience... so i felt the need to inform others of their wrong doings and an easy way to prevent it...

..i told them so..

okay so im usually not the type of person to say it BUT i told yall so.!! i TOLD yall that Barak Obama was going to win... people in Congress and the Senate saw what happend these past 8 years with Mr. Bush and werent gonna let any chance of a mistake or recount occur...and they definitly didnt want riots thats forsure... so let me say that i am truely proud of not only the electoral college but of this country bcuz we all proved that when youve had enough you will do WHATEVER it thake to change it....

now personally i feel like if us as a country can put fourth a strong effort to make change where we live... the is NO EXCUSE as to why people can put up the same effort to make changes in their own life... i mean it only makes sense right.? you can vote to make a difference in you country but dont want to get your ass up to make a difference in your own life...the one thing that you have some control over.! ARE YOU KIDDING ME.!!?!! youve got to be...

oh well maybe youll get it some day...


CONGRATS BARAK OBAMA.... the first of many.!

..happy birthday Jem..

so last night was crazy funn...let me first say Happy effin Birthday to one of the baddest bitches i know... i lover you Jem.!!

The night started with dinner at Ra... and it was great.! good food with good people... and LOTS of pictures (ill put those up later... well after i get a new cord since True chewed through it.!! ahhh.!!!!) i love my HiFi/FORMALity & Meccamee family fun fun times.!!

well in the middle of dinner a group of niggas walk in [side note _:: in case you didnt know or missed the P.S.A. Schae is no longer envolving herself with niggas when it comes to relationships... they just don't know how to act...] at the SAMETiME that i had to go to the ladies room... and seeing as how we were at dinner i dressed nice OF COURSE.!! so i walked by their table and all eyes were on me... what i failed to realize was i knew two of these niggas at this table... so had we proceeded with dinner i had that feeling like someone was watching me... and turned around a sure enough there were eyes right there on me... so has dinner ended i realized who the person was and asked Kendra (big sis always knows best) if that was who i thought it was and he reply was simple "yea that's JT...." ugh.! just my effin luck...

so as we all paid for our food and said our see ya laters i go to say bye to the big sis and JT was standing there and i say by to Kendra nad he says hi to me.. so i give him a short hi tell kendra to call/text/aim me tomorrow and leave quickly.... now im sure you're like what did this boy do to make Schae act in this way.? oh you know attempted to talk to me while he had a girlfriend lied about it when i asked him and then allowed himself to get caught up and had her text my fone and embaress herself... oh and don't forget the best part waited a day to text me and say "so you still want to go eat tonight.?" ummm....

NO NIGGA.!!!

why do they insist on being soo damn ignorant.!!?? (bcuz they're niggas... that's why.!) and don't be mistaken a nigga can be ANYBODY white, black, mexican or can't, asian, purto rican, ANYBODY.!! its kinda one of those things where if you're actin like a bitch at the time then imma call you a bitch.... well if you're being ignorant then imma call yo ass a nigga.!! plain & simple...

so after leaving Ra Jackie, Daffi & i went to mikeos house (i think that's right...) to party & bullshit... well mainly bullshit bcuz we didnt want to go home... and lemme just say...
- me & jackie always see eye to eye...
- daffi is the realest drunk bitch i know
- and durran is OFFiCALLY my favorite... even if i have to do what i don't want to.!!

all in all it was a good night... 0h.! and lexx "i have a question.!!"

..are you sure..

so i have this friend (no guys its not me.!) who's in a relationship (ha ha ha TOLD you it wasn't me...) and hasbeen in this relationship since we graduated back in 2006... and just like in any relationship things in the begining were the begining so everything was great...fun..nice...cute...sweet..and all that other wonderful stuff that comes from the begining...

(intermission...)
but as we are programed to do change begins to occur as we come into not only adulthood but our own selves... now usually for girls becoming a woman includes a lot of confidence and self esteem boosting... and its only obviously bcuz your outward apperance effects your inward emotions... in other words if you look pretty then you feel pretty... and as for boys becoming a man has a lot to do with being able to not only provide but also say you didnt it by yourself... there's a certain sense of independence that's required in this...

(now back to my friend....)
so my friend has a girlfriend who is how do you say... umm INSECURE.!! yea i know i didnt want to have to but its the TRUTH.!! and i can't help but state the facts... buther insecurties that lie within herself usually affect the self esteem and friendship my friend...(we'll call him Mario) Mario has with other people...

take me for example... now Mario is not my type hasn't been and never will be (no hard feelins... i know you're reading.!) but he's just not my type... but i can say he's one of my VERY BEST guy friends.... we just get each other... plain & simple.... there are just somethings both he and i enjoy that him and his girlfriend(we'll call her Tina) Tina don't agree on.... but bcuz she can't connect w. him on she doesn't want him to connect w. anyone else on it....

its like HELLOO.?? have you been paying attention for the past 2 1/2 years.? you're in a damn relationship that requires some give and take.... you can't take take take all the damn time and not expect to give... bcuz one outta two things are gonna happen if you don't give... he will either say FUCK THIS & YOU and leave your ass or just keep "the relationship" going and find another girl who will do all the things you won't.... now a days we call that cheating but for some (like in this situation) its just a search for good laughs & confersation...

now let me clear this up for all you messy, insecure, overtly cautions, nosey, and confused people...

THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND MARIO... OR MARIO & ANYBODY ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.!!!

but her constant insecure naggings have irratated, hurt, confused, belittled, stabbed and pulled poor little Mario soooo far to the left that now im upset (hense the blog...) its like "look girl.! for someone who wants to keep a good man you sure are pushing him away fast.!" [duh.!]

and you would thing a girl that's as smart as her would be head strong... but i guess its not only the pretty girls that are insecure... the nerds are too... but as we all know there are we are oblivious to the obvious and refuse to see what's simple right in front of us... so from one adult to another i say this...

love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails...

Everyone's gonna hurt you..you just have 2 decide who's worth the pain... remember true love knows how to behave....