..worth the while..

good morning.!! geez its early.!! anyway so i get these daily inspirational quotes sent to my phone every moring to get my day started on a positive note... you know like affirmations and stuff... well today i got my "inspirations" and it read....

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely...

hmmmm....? now i immediately began to think about this major decision that ive ben toying with over the past few months... and i thought "Well how ironic that im contemplating what i want to do and then i get that quote... a sign maybe.? or cpuld it just be further confirmation to what i already know....

Saturday after 'Takin it To the Streets' i said "Fuck'em.!!" and Jonito(i <3 you.!!) replied with....

no dont say fuck'em you just know what you have to do now...

as he took another shot.! and its true... i cant be mad it was a learning experience... not a waste of my time because i have learned alot not only about people but also about myself.... and i can also say that i have grown alot in this situation... so much so that ive grown OUT.! of this situation... i mean i DiD say "Vive para el baile" right.?? well thats what i have to do... im sure its gonna rub some feathers and make a fe people mad but its not about them its about me, and i have to do what makes Schae happy first and foremost...

so my decision is made and set in stone now i just have to wait until March 2009, and pray that in the meantime i dont get into more trouble then ive already gotten into with all this "freetime" on my hands... damn i miss August, that was a good month.!!

..I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T..

yes ladies and gentlemen the day i have been waiting for has FiNALLY come.! im moving into my Condo December 19, 2008.!! im soo effin excited isk what to do w. myself... all i want to do is sleep when i get there... i think about parties in 2009 after i get some much needed rest.!!

..culture shock..

oh how i LOVE LOVE LOVE thee.!!

so this weekend while EKETC. was at prelude i stayed in vegas saved about 100bucks in food gas room and board and went the "Takin it To The Streets" and as usual it was effin GREAT.!! Culture Shock Las Vegas "went it" and Meccamee "did work" with a guest apperance from Mr. Jaymazing himself (SURPRiSE.!!) it was a REALLY great show... and ALL the crews/teams did a really good job...!!

But you know 'Takin itTo The Streets' wouldnt be itself without a party... a whole weekend long party with CSLV and CSDC OMG.!! we had soo much fun.... Saturday after the show we all went to the bestest boyfriends and had a pre.game that just turned into the real game and drank(well they drank yall know i dont) and passed the blunt(didnt do that either...DAMN.! Repulic Services.!! hahaha.!!) then i found myself being the super bestfriend and making sure Lynnae didnt die in her sleep... long story short i didnt make it home til about 3.40ish maybe 4am... and slept ALL day on sunday... no church for me, i mean it is the Sabath...you know a day of rest so thats what i did til about 4.30. in the afternoon...

once i felt alive again i got up got dressed called the baby momma and made din din plans at Ra (sunday night happy hour.!) with her my nephew and the bestest of course.!! my Nephew is sooooo effin cute and too damn funny... how i love him soo.!! after dinner the bestest and i made our was to the orleans to go bowling with CSLV and CSDC.... and ive never seen so many people "go in from the top full out with music"when it came to bowling... lol but we had a really great time with dollar bowling and dollar drinks.!! yea you know we acted a fool.!!

as the night came to a close and me and the bestfriend realized it was 2.30a and we both had to be at work her at 5 me at 7 we needed to vacat the building so we could get a nap before work... well my nap was soon interrupted at 7.15a not by the sound of my alarm but but the look in the mirror and the realization that i have Pink Eye.!! ahhhhhh.!! eww gross yuck.!!!

so now im sitting at UMC quick care wating for them to call me in the back... no work today and usually that would be a good thing but not when the flip side is having pink eye....


..mylife..

..6 months 13days & counting..

so its ALREADY December and the year is over basically... and anyone who knows me and has known me for awhile knows that as soon as December hits i start birthday planning... well this year im planning for my 21st... and im obberly excited.!! like i REALLY cant wait... i have it all planned out i mean it would only make sense it is a MONTH LONG celebration.!! with the exception of 2 days due to my little sister and twinns bday on the 18th and my lover boy quincy's day on the 21st... oh and i cant forget my bday buddy christina who has the same exact bday as me... how rare is that.?? so of course we're celebrating together.!!

stay tuned for for planning details....

..behind every strong black man..

there's a stronger black woman... thats what we've been told from the time we were little... and for me i never thought that it was true until i started dating...and even then i realized that i 1. wasnt dating men and 2. they werent strong at all and i soon came to realize this more and more as i had friends come to me with their troubles reguarding their relationships with their "strong black men" (lol) and the more i would offer advice and listen to the stories the less i would believe the statement...

this went on for quite sometime... actually it wasnt until this years election did i begin to have a change of heart and tap into two emotions/feelings that i shut down a VERY long time ago...(hope & love)

watching President ( i have soo much joy w. saying that) Barack Obama and his wife Michelle (along w. their children of course.!) made me realize that no matter how busy someone might be, no matter how much someone may have on their plate, no matter what club group organization or say i dont know a COUNTRY they just so happen to be involved with or in charge of... you always Always ALWAYS have to keep you loved ones close... not supporting you from the sidelines but right there in the game with you...

futhermore no matter how important you become and no matter if you have and ENTIRE COUNTRY awaiting your first move as a man your first job was son husband and father and you cant forget that... and President Elect Obama is the perfect example of this... throughout this entire election we witness a many occasions where President Obama acknowledged not only his family but the support from his wife... not to mention article about "Why He Loves His Wife" in US weekly...

i think it not only obvious but apparent that President Obama makes time for Michelle... and the time that he does make for her isnt time she has to share with the United States of America, it isnt time where hes her President (yes shes a citizen who has to follow laws in this country too...), it isnt time that she has to be Mom and hes Dad... its ginuine time where its JUST Michelle and Barack no intruptions... time they spend together daily... he makes sure that she still feels like shes his number one... even if hes running country and fixing the mess that Bushy guy made.! and im almost positive he doesnt forget to call her back and if so we ALL know she'll get in his ass...

this relationship is the perfect example of not only love but the saying that every black woman hears from the time she is little...

behind every strong black man theres a stronger black woman

..will you say yes.?..

over these past few weeks i found myself not being able to worship... and not having a reason to be thankful but i turned this on and it made everything better.... often times we get too comfortable in our everyday lives and we forget why we're here and what our TRUE purpose is... its not to get caught up in the he say she say and the judgement and the gossip, its not to get caught up in peer pressue and worldly things becuase we dont want to be "left out" WHO CARES.?! if you want to get yo praise on the go ahead.!! rejoices and be glad in it... and the people who TRUELY care and are what you condiser friends/family or whatever with get up and praise,cry and worship right along with you... so as you push playblisten to the words of the song and really allow them to pour in(grab some tissue you may cry) and for those who dont believe in a higher power then this isnt for you and you can go on about your way no hard feelings but for those of you who are like me... prepare to worship.!!





PART ONE....






PART TWO...

..my sunday night date..

okay sooo as we all know my friends a very Very VERY limited... due to the fact that girls are messy and fake and im tired of doing for others who dont do for me... or at least say thank you... so my limited list has gone from one person (ms. ashley lynnae) to two (ms. Salome... her soul singz) i really do love that girl.!!

now as girls we tend to have these things called emotions and we cant always predict which way they will go...and recently Salomes have been going left when they need to be going right... sensing this i had to do a SERIOUS intervention... hence my sunday night date....

after a long day of work for salome and shopping for myself and a good 2hr. nap we went to Ra at the fashion Show for Happy Hour... and for those who have been to Ra you know the food is splendiforious(in the words of B.Scott... check him out.!!) and those who havent and the few that ive been asking time and time again ha ha SUCKAS.! you missed out bcuz me and my boo had a GREAT time and had WONDERFUL food.!! and for just a short period of time i was capable to get Salomes mind off of the bad so we could enjoy the good over some delicious eats.!! Ra definitly gets 5 stars from both of us... and we will be back next sunday... its an offical date nite...


see you there maybe.?

..respect..

i am offically done.!!
yep its over... nomore niggas...
none at all... ive come to terms
with the fact that niggas are just
DIS-RE-SPECT-FUL
plain and simple
nothing more and
a WHOLE lot less...
thats forsure...ugh.!!
my weekend was throughly disrupted
by disrespectful ass niggas.!!
by these lude rude obnoxious actions
ive been forced to change my number
for the THiRD time....

ugh..


..mylife..

..silly hoes..

yea i had to bring it back... im a little disturbed at the moment.... i just mite make my own video.!! anyway peep the vid to see where im coming from...

..stilettos, pumps in the club..

well more like my job... so as i stepped into Republic Services with my black patent leather round toe baby doll stilettos on... i was asked,

"Schae, why do you always come to work dressed up.? ive only seen you in sneakers like 3 times..."

now i know what some of you are thinking... "BiTCH.! why do you care while youre wearing Fruit of the Loom sweats to work EVERYDAY.!!" now outside of the workplace that just might have been my response but because i have a good job and dont want to lose it i gathered my thoughts and responed in the most lady like tone i could force out and simple said,

"because i feel more comfortable in heels... theyre like my bestfriend.!"

and kept on my way... but as i proceeded up the elevator and into my office i stopped and thought, "why do people make such a big deal about what everyone else is doing... ESEPCIALLY women.!!??" so in this thought process i reached my office and immediatley put on Christina Aguilera's Back to Basics on and played track 11...Still Dirrty for a little confidence boost and went on about my day... so here have a listen... still dirrty

..confidence is key, right.?..

is it just me or does it seem like when youre very confident in whatever you do or who you are it makes others uncomfortable...

like when men that are gay are comfortable and confident with their sexuality and have no issue with telling you that they are gay.. it makes other people that around feel uncomfortable causing them to all of a sudden question there own sexuality as if they were to have all of a sudden turned gay just because the man next to them is...

or when a woman has no issue talking about sex and isnt ashamed... she not only is suddenly looked at like a whore but dont let a grandma be around because she is instantly seen has fast among a few other not so nice sterotypes...

why is confidence so intimidating.? but everyone demands it... i mean its soo damn popular Ms. Britney Spears says it herself...

"Confidence is a must, cockiness is a pluss, edginess is a rush..."

if its come to the point where we're putting it in the lyrics of our songs... there should be no reason at all why it should make anyone uncomfortable... i mean its what you asked for... CONFIDENCE right.?

..i dont mind..

because you dont matter.... lol.! i know very myspace but its true and i really had to remind myself of this cute little saying... this past weekend i found myself subjected to what we'll call hater-isim... lol and i was mad,hurt,upset,pissed off and ready to "whoop that trick" but i had to remind myself::

"mind over matter... i dont mind because you dont matter..."

and calm myself down and not allow my feelings to get hurt by others hater-ish actions... which resulted in a conversation with myself...

scheherazade: why are you getting mad.? do you really care.?
schae: i shouldnt but i do...
scheherazade: well then dont, its not like you cant live without them right.?
schae: yea i know but...
scheherazade: but what.? you thought if you were nice to them theyd be nice to you.? hahaha no foolish one... they didnt mind so you didnt matter... see the point.? dont get caught up in others opinions... because youll end up living your life for their judgement and not for yourself... it is better to be loved by few then to be hated by many...

which really and quickly put things in perspective for me... so i THANK YOU.!! for your hater-ish and juvinille behavior... for without it i wouldnt have gotten back to my typical say what i want self... what do we tell them Ashley.?

im a force to be reckoned with...so get to work.!!

..insane or just stupid..

i read that the ultimate definition of insanity is doing the samething over and over--and expecting different results...

well shit what if you arent doing it on purspose.? what if you just keep finding yourself in the same situations over and over.? i guess that would still make you insane for continuing to participate... or is that stupidity.? ignorance maybe.?

that would explain why you chose to stay... but only a woman completly out of her mind could continue to love a man thats not only cheating on her but is fully aware and still lets him walk out of the door every night knowing that he wont come back until the next morning... so maybe it is insanity...

but when does stupidity step in.? when youre told time and time again that he doesnt want to be with you and to stop calling and you leave 103missed calls on his screen and 68unread messages in his inbox [true story] holding up his line so much that his own sister cant get through to let him know shes outside waiting in the cold with a sick puppy... is that stupid or insane or just plain crazy.?!

"its okay to be in love. in fact, its one of the greatest abilities in this lifetime. its NOT okay to be submerged so much in someone else that you forget the person you were, that they fell in love with."-Salome S.

..a love like..

(*w. inspiration frm big sis Salome)

i want a love that makes me smile with just one thought of you
the kind where i fall asleep on your chest not because i was tired
but because i like the sound of your heart beat...

the love where you text me "wyd.?" and i know it really means "i love you"
or the kind where i toss and turn at night because you arent by my side
that love that makes us find each other across the room just to quickly look away...

i need a love that makes me value who i am just that much more
because he validates not just my body but my feelings too
or the love that makes me call my daddy and all i can do is smile when he asks about you

and check this out i want that kind of love that lets us have our own inside jokes
that make us bring them up randomly just to get a response...

the kind of love that makes me giggle and smile everytime someone mentions your name
you know the kind that makes you blush & gives you butterflies...
the love that makes me appreciate our distence because absense makes the heart grow fonder

and oooo shit i want that love that makes me bring a tear to my eye when we're intimate
because we're not just intimate but into each other kind of love
that kind of love you only read about in fairy tales and wish would come true
sorta love...

i want that love that makes us send random pictures to each other
not because its the cool thing to do, but because we're both secretly jealous
and only sent the pictures for a random thought of the other in the middle of the day
dont forget about what you got at home kind of love

the love that makes me love them hatin ass females that came before me but failed
you know the kind that makes you show yo lady off because shes yours if not for any other reason
kind of love...

the kind that makes us confident to be together
but even stronger to be apart because we never know when we'll see each other again type of love
yo know the love that makes my ass hop on a plane, fly across the country, just because i missed you
even though we both know i HATE flying... yep.! THAT kind of love...

and peep this i want the kind of love that makes me forget about every other kiss and hug
in the world because yours are the only ones i need ever again...
the kind that makes me write your name and hearts on a piece of paper all day
when i know i should be working...


but you see ive found this love quite sometime ago
it was just one of those things that had to grow...
and it just brings a smile to my face just thinking about
our love...

..The Hills..

so as i sit here at my brothers house and indulge in season one of the Hills as if ive never seen it before i am quickly realizing how Lauren's t.v. drama is starting to become my real life drama... now for those of you who dont watch the Hills i suggest renting season one and cathcing up... but as for everybody else... JASON iS BACK.?!! and we ALL know who Jason is... and as i stated in ..batman returns.. i wasnt going to persue... well its a good thing i rememebered what happend to Lauren in season 3 when Jason got engaged to someone else and invited Lauren to the Engagement Party.!! (wtf.?! yea i KNOW.!) so ive decided thats NOT happening to me not at all... so i am offically calling myself friends with Ceasaryc... nothing more but it could ALWAYS be less...

..mylife..

..whats done in the dark.

ALWAYS comes to the light....my girl Jill Scott hit the nail on the head w. this one... ha ha ha.!! and im not exactly sure if i preffer that one or if i agree w. my girl Bre & my HiFi "sisiter" Ramey when they said...

"you cant keep a secret...its the dance world.!"

but as i sit here at home w. my brothers turning down LAST MINUTE invatations to kick backs, trips to Poetry, and Birthday parties... i quickly realize how much ive grown up as a person not only in the past two years from 18 to 20... but from August to now... but i do know two things that havent chaged: 1. the fact the i STILL dont like liers and 2. how quickly my feelings are able to be hurt... it sucks when you try and it only turns around and smacks you in the face... but its worse when you think youre doing soo good but behind closed doors something else something TOTALLY different...

so let me just say this... we come into this world and often time leave alone... but while we're here on earth its our responsibility to bring people into our lives that bring joy,positivity, and good times... along the way they teach us lessons good and bad all the while learning about who we are... and in the end the final goal is to leave more sussessful then when we arrived...

..mommy knows best..

so its 2.43 in the morning and i just so happen to wake up... no reason... no alarm, no phone call, text message, not even True... just woke up on my own... shortly after i woke up though i was quickly greeted w. a text from 347 explaining how he had 11 hours of sleep...(lucky bastard) well while this is going on i quickly notice that True (my puppy for those who are new or refuse to pay attention) is still not feeling good

[side note_:: he was dragging his butt the day before but i didnt think twice about it because hes already been dewormed and stuff]

so i decide to find a 24 hour hospital.. (thats kind of redundant i mean arent ALL emergency rooms 24hours.? lol) thanks to my handy G1 (thank you tmobile.!) so i find a Vet and immediatley call and explain True's symptoms... so she suggests that i bring him in (after telling her he just threw up on the carpet i dont care about because im FiNALLY moving.!! because she fears he may have Parvo(which is a ver common disease in puppies google it.!) knowing what Parvo is and that its know to cause DEATH.!! i quickly jump up get dressed wrap True in a blanket grab the G1, Gucci, Keys and leave.!! (whoo what a rush.!)

as im getting to the hospital thanks to my T-mobile G1 and its yellow pages & maps for driving directions... True attempts to go to the bathroom in my front seat.!! Thank God 1. he didnt really have to go and 2. there was a towel wrapping him up bcuz that wouldve been all bad.!

once we arrive to the hospital the Vet first test True for Parvo... and he was so good.! im so proud of him because personally i couldnt stay calm as someone stuck a Q-tip up my butt...idk about you but i would've done it movin outta there... but him didnt he just stood there and took like a little man.! after 22 minutes of waiting for the test...(yes 22 random i know.!) we find out he doesnt have Parvo (yay.!! that just saved me abot 1,000bucks right there) and she determines that he probablly just has parasites or worms and that he just needs some medicine and the stay over night for observation...

[side note_:: he only weighs 4 pounds and most likely wont get any bigger the 8... BARELY.!!]

so i say my goodbyes and head home...where i am now up at 4 something writing this... its funny how when you were younger you could sleep through ANYTHING but the older you get and the more you know the more alert you become even if its for the tiniest of things... im glad True is okay and that Parvo isnt an issue because i just got him and aside from the 1,000plus dollars i might've had to spend im not exactly sure if i could've handled loosing him when i just got him.! all in all everything is well.....



..mylife..

..lions, tigers, & bears..

im not scared of lions and tigers and bears no im not.! but im scared of loving you... im not scared to preform at a sold out affair thats right.! but im scared of loving you... am i the only one who think its an impossible task why it dont last.? is that too much to ask.? why do we love love when love seems to hate us.?

sorry if i sound so filled with gloom
you say you care and i know you do
but this is from my experience
and my conclusion only makes sense
just cause i love you and you love me
it doesnt mean that we're ment to be
i can climb mountains, swim cross the seas
but the most frightening this is you and me

im not scared of lions and tigers and bears no im not.! but im scared of loving you... im not scared to preform at a sold out affair thats right.! but im scared of loving you... am i the only one who think its an impossible task why it dont last.? is that too much to ask.? why do we love love when love seems to hate us.?

most circumstances i know my fate
but in this lovething i dont get the game
why does it feel like those who give in
they only wind up losing a friend
just casue i love you and you love me
it doesnt mean that we'll ever be
fly cross the qcean, dance for the queen
but the most frightening thing is you and me

im not scared of lions and tigers and bears no im not.! but im scared of loving you... im not scared to preform at a sold out affair thats right.! but im scared of loving you... am i the only one who think its an impossible task why it dont last.? is that too much to ask.? why do we love love when love seems to hate us.?

im not sure no im not sure
but if we never try we'll never know
its better to have loved than not to love at all
but trying is worst than to stumble and fall
and if we do id rather it be with you
cause at least there will be sweet memories

im not scared of lions and tigers and bears no im not.! but im scared of loving you... im not scared to preform at a sold out affair thats right.! but im scared of loving you... am i the only one who think its an impossible task why it dont last.? is that too much to ask.? why do we love love when love seems to hate us.?

..batman returns..

all i can say isOh Shit.!! so a few days ago i was at my sisters house and she told me that she wanted to start "dancing" so i said okay and that i would get in contact with my connect and see if he could get her into a club...

well my connect happens to be my ex... and this isnt just any ex this is the first ex...the big ex...the one i was gonna marry ex... yep you guessed it Ceasaryc;better known as Cez or B@tm@n(for you Palamino goers..lol)... so i text him and let him know that "Dia Mon" wants to start dancing and to do me that favor... well in the mist of this we begin conversing... and somehow i found myself with him last night at a friend of his to play spades... knowin damn well my ass dont know how to play no darn spades... but HiFi got cancled and i yet again didnt want to be home (i really need to move.!) so i was like what the heck.? why not i mean im alot older have alot more control and my interest is so obviously somewhere else(Salome BG is in 94 days woot woot.!!!]

so he comes to get me and that was the first eye opener... he got a new car, yay him.! so i get in the car and the first thing i notice is his face is fat.! but his body isnt.... (is that possible.? second eye opener) so as we get to his friends house we had to sit outside and wait for like 20minutes before we decide to go to the Canery to get his friends keys while he was on the craps table...

so as the night progresses... i have a drink (just one had to go to work plus they didnt have the BB Merlot...lol) and ate good... his friend is a really good cook.!! but 1.30a approaches and i decide that its time to go home... so he takes me home right away which is a surprise bcuz in the past i would have to fight w. him to take me home... but not this time he just grabbed the keys and we walked outside...

as we pulled up to my house i prepare to get out the car and look at him and realize that hes giving me that "Schae youre bullshittin" look and i say "i hate when you look at me like that.!" well in this process of idk what youre talking about... he proceeds to pull me in an kiss me.!! ahhhhh.!! i KNOW.! watthehey.?! so he continues w. this conversation about how we should just see what happens leaning in the direction of trying again...



[PAUSE]
now my momma and ms. mya angelou have always said when someone shows you who they are the first time... and after almost 2.5 years and two chances with this person you would think i figured out who he his by now right.?! EXACTLY.!!! okay just had to make sure we were on the same page...



[PLAY]
now i wont lie... i was just a little bit curious to see what this 22yrs old Ceasaryc had to offer i mean alot can happen in two years... but i was quickly VERY QUICKLY reminded of all the hit he put me through and how i dont really trust males because of him...and immedialty told myself no... HELL NO SCHEHERAZADE.!! ARE YOU CRAZY BiTCH.?! but he continued to execute his plan by sayin... "dont think about it... we'll just see what happens" so i had to fall back and re evaluate this situation... & came to this conclusion...i will continue to do Schae... bcuz im having sooooo much fun... and if he was serious about all the things he said(i didnt include details dont need yall knowing everything....lol) then he will do what he needs to do to have it... its just that simple... theres no getting around that...


..mylife..

..wheres my big head..

i would just like to say that i dont appreciate my big head disappearing for the past 4 days... just fell right off the planet earth.! what type of shit is that.?!! ahhhhh

..tears on my pillow..

ugh.! i cant stop crying and my heart wont stop hurting... missing someone is worse then breaking up with them...


ill just keep these tears on my pillow

..my first love..

im not exactly sure when it began or why for that matter... all i know is i do... and everytime i think about you its just a confirmation not only to myself but to my heart... i never had to convience myself that it was true nor did i ever have doubt... i just knew... and maybe thats why all my other relationships failed to work... bcuz i already knew the truth... which would easily explain all the phone calls to you when things wouldnt go according to what i thought was "the plan"... it wasnt because you knew just what to say and when to say it but because just like me you already knew... and over time the thing that became soo small suddenly became an elephant in a room with no windows... its unavoidable... and ive come to terms with it... things happen the way they do to the people it does for a reason... and no matter how many different ways you try to avoid it no matter what you find yourself standing infront of a moutain that was only supposed to be there for 5days and now its been 5 years... i tired to tell myself that maybe i was crazy... and that things would never work in my favor... but then im reminded of our constant and less frequent conversation and i quickly remember "oh yea he gets me.!" and i just leave it alone... bcuz i know that patience is a virtue... but. my doubt in it overall aside from you has me scared that it wont happen at all... but "in due time" thats what im told... so i will continue to be that woman you just sits there.. and constantly understand... with a belly full of patience & a caring hand... but the one thing i know wont EVER change is that i love you.!



...yep thats still the same

..restless..

its 2.45 in thee morning and im wishing i didnt take that nap earlier... even tho it was a really good one its 2 effin45 in the morning and what am i doing.? writing a damn blg... ha ha ha LAME.! i should be sleep i have work with the never quiet assistant at 8... ahhhh.! i really should pray about that one... bcuz i dont think my brain can take her anymore... its like she talks just to fill the silence... umm HELLO.!!??? its quiet for a reason so HUSH woman... damn.! im not ready for this... maybe i should go to sleep damn didnt get to see Big tonight & the future husband went to sleep ealry... blah.!





..mylife..

..lost souls..

so my friend janna works at the Erotic Heterige Muesum and shes always telling me how exciting it is and how much fun she has at work... well back in october she posted a bulletin on myspace asking for people to help out at their Lost Souls Carnival... so being the curious person that i am i said i wanted to help out (this is BEFORE i knew about youth explosion and the super galatic workshop at groove...in response to the calls and texts i keep getting....)

So as the day gets closer for the carnival we have our few meetings informing us for what Lost Souls is and what each person will be doing at the event... alomg with a free tour of the muesum which provides a indepth history on sex & porn... very interesting yall should go... and its not even on a freaky nasty level... you can really learn somethin...

anyways... so the carnival FINALLY gets here and both Janna and i decide to dress up... i mean it was kinda the point of the night...lol but aside from us dressing up as Strawberry Shortcake & a Naughty School Girl (you can guess which one i was) i met some very fun interesting and very giving people... its always the people that socity calls strange that are the most charitable... the most loving... and the most fun.!! now ive never been the type of person to judge others because i know its not my place... besides the fact that i know that everyone is different and is entitled to their own well EVERYTHING.! and last night was a true test... and i can proudly say i passed.!! and had a good tome in the process... and yes i would do it all over again if asked... but next time ill invite more people so they can have fun too

..did i ask..

okay so its almost 9.30 in the morning and today has already "started" if you know what i mean... so i sent out this mass text message saying that im no longer on aim due to my new G1 and that if you need to contact me that you need to text me bcuz i obviously wont get your aim bcuz im not signed on...[duh.!] well i guess somewhere in that message i must've said something about "do you like the fone.?" bcuz someone took it upon their self to inform me that not only do they dislike the G1 but they preffer the Sprint instict...


ummm.......EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hello.?? is anybody listening.?

i did NOT ask you if you like the damn phone... on top of the fact that bitch you have tmobile so why would yo give a damn about the SPRINT instinct.!?!? not to mention i didnt ask your opinion i was just letting you know how to get in contact w. me... but she proceeded to wish me good luck with my new phone bcuz she coouldnt imagine getting rid of her Sk(sidekick)

well babygirl you obviously werent paying attention to when Beyonce said "let me upgrade you" bcuz class is in session and you just failed.!! ughh.!! Lord take me highhhhhhhheerrrr.!! whoooo.!! i was just trying to be nice and let my few friends and MANY associates know that i wasnt ignoring them (well all but one but she doesnt 1. have TIME to read this and 2. doesnt care enuff to notice im ignoring her...) and let them know that im not dead... and what do i get back.? simple bitches and their unwanted opinions.... why.?! can someone please explain this to me.? i mean if i wanted commentary i would've posted a blog and asked who liked the G1 and who didnt right.?? oh well you cant save everybody....

..mylife...

..kissing game..

im not excatly shure when it happend or why for that matter BUT due to a recent trip down memory lane i have come to realiz people make kissing waaaaaayyyy harder then it has to be.... leaving them to tell me that im a great kisser and although that maybe the case... i refuse to give myself that much credit especially when kissing is NOT that damn hard...

so in my recent observation ive decided to provide everyone including myself one word when it comes to the art of kissing bcuz that what it is... an art form....

RELAX.!!

i mean honestly thats all it takes and quite frankly you would think thats common sense... if you just relax your lips they become softer and easier to kiss instead of pressing your lips and making them hard...but obviously its not bcuz im sure im not alone when i say ive had some BAD kissing experiences... but it was brought to my attention a few days ago as a friend of mine told me of her HORRIBLE kissing experience... so i felt the need to inform others of their wrong doings and an easy way to prevent it...

..i told them so..

okay so im usually not the type of person to say it BUT i told yall so.!! i TOLD yall that Barak Obama was going to win... people in Congress and the Senate saw what happend these past 8 years with Mr. Bush and werent gonna let any chance of a mistake or recount occur...and they definitly didnt want riots thats forsure... so let me say that i am truely proud of not only the electoral college but of this country bcuz we all proved that when youve had enough you will do WHATEVER it thake to change it....

now personally i feel like if us as a country can put fourth a strong effort to make change where we live... the is NO EXCUSE as to why people can put up the same effort to make changes in their own life... i mean it only makes sense right.? you can vote to make a difference in you country but dont want to get your ass up to make a difference in your own life...the one thing that you have some control over.! ARE YOU KIDDING ME.!!?!! youve got to be...

oh well maybe youll get it some day...


CONGRATS BARAK OBAMA.... the first of many.!

..happy birthday Jem..

so last night was crazy funn...let me first say Happy effin Birthday to one of the baddest bitches i know... i lover you Jem.!!

The night started with dinner at Ra... and it was great.! good food with good people... and LOTS of pictures (ill put those up later... well after i get a new cord since True chewed through it.!! ahhh.!!!!) i love my HiFi/FORMALity & Meccamee family fun fun times.!!

well in the middle of dinner a group of niggas walk in [side note _:: in case you didnt know or missed the P.S.A. Schae is no longer envolving herself with niggas when it comes to relationships... they just don't know how to act...] at the SAMETiME that i had to go to the ladies room... and seeing as how we were at dinner i dressed nice OF COURSE.!! so i walked by their table and all eyes were on me... what i failed to realize was i knew two of these niggas at this table... so had we proceeded with dinner i had that feeling like someone was watching me... and turned around a sure enough there were eyes right there on me... so has dinner ended i realized who the person was and asked Kendra (big sis always knows best) if that was who i thought it was and he reply was simple "yea that's JT...." ugh.! just my effin luck...

so as we all paid for our food and said our see ya laters i go to say bye to the big sis and JT was standing there and i say by to Kendra nad he says hi to me.. so i give him a short hi tell kendra to call/text/aim me tomorrow and leave quickly.... now im sure you're like what did this boy do to make Schae act in this way.? oh you know attempted to talk to me while he had a girlfriend lied about it when i asked him and then allowed himself to get caught up and had her text my fone and embaress herself... oh and don't forget the best part waited a day to text me and say "so you still want to go eat tonight.?" ummm....

NO NIGGA.!!!

why do they insist on being soo damn ignorant.!!?? (bcuz they're niggas... that's why.!) and don't be mistaken a nigga can be ANYBODY white, black, mexican or can't, asian, purto rican, ANYBODY.!! its kinda one of those things where if you're actin like a bitch at the time then imma call you a bitch.... well if you're being ignorant then imma call yo ass a nigga.!! plain & simple...

so after leaving Ra Jackie, Daffi & i went to mikeos house (i think that's right...) to party & bullshit... well mainly bullshit bcuz we didnt want to go home... and lemme just say...
- me & jackie always see eye to eye...
- daffi is the realest drunk bitch i know
- and durran is OFFiCALLY my favorite... even if i have to do what i don't want to.!!

all in all it was a good night... 0h.! and lexx "i have a question.!!"

..are you sure..

so i have this friend (no guys its not me.!) who's in a relationship (ha ha ha TOLD you it wasn't me...) and hasbeen in this relationship since we graduated back in 2006... and just like in any relationship things in the begining were the begining so everything was great...fun..nice...cute...sweet..and all that other wonderful stuff that comes from the begining...

(intermission...)
but as we are programed to do change begins to occur as we come into not only adulthood but our own selves... now usually for girls becoming a woman includes a lot of confidence and self esteem boosting... and its only obviously bcuz your outward apperance effects your inward emotions... in other words if you look pretty then you feel pretty... and as for boys becoming a man has a lot to do with being able to not only provide but also say you didnt it by yourself... there's a certain sense of independence that's required in this...

(now back to my friend....)
so my friend has a girlfriend who is how do you say... umm INSECURE.!! yea i know i didnt want to have to but its the TRUTH.!! and i can't help but state the facts... buther insecurties that lie within herself usually affect the self esteem and friendship my friend...(we'll call him Mario) Mario has with other people...

take me for example... now Mario is not my type hasn't been and never will be (no hard feelins... i know you're reading.!) but he's just not my type... but i can say he's one of my VERY BEST guy friends.... we just get each other... plain & simple.... there are just somethings both he and i enjoy that him and his girlfriend(we'll call her Tina) Tina don't agree on.... but bcuz she can't connect w. him on she doesn't want him to connect w. anyone else on it....

its like HELLOO.?? have you been paying attention for the past 2 1/2 years.? you're in a damn relationship that requires some give and take.... you can't take take take all the damn time and not expect to give... bcuz one outta two things are gonna happen if you don't give... he will either say FUCK THIS & YOU and leave your ass or just keep "the relationship" going and find another girl who will do all the things you won't.... now a days we call that cheating but for some (like in this situation) its just a search for good laughs & confersation...

now let me clear this up for all you messy, insecure, overtly cautions, nosey, and confused people...

THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND MARIO... OR MARIO & ANYBODY ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.!!!

but her constant insecure naggings have irratated, hurt, confused, belittled, stabbed and pulled poor little Mario soooo far to the left that now im upset (hense the blog...) its like "look girl.! for someone who wants to keep a good man you sure are pushing him away fast.!" [duh.!]

and you would thing a girl that's as smart as her would be head strong... but i guess its not only the pretty girls that are insecure... the nerds are too... but as we all know there are we are oblivious to the obvious and refuse to see what's simple right in front of us... so from one adult to another i say this...

love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails...

Everyone's gonna hurt you..you just have 2 decide who's worth the pain... remember true love knows how to behave....

..its simple..

if you don't like me...then don't talk to me


now im sure you're wondering where this sudden frustration is coming from... i just realized after sitting back and watching people for the past few days how anti.social i would preffer to be.... just bcuz people are interesting... i won't say fake bcuz people are TRUE to who they are... other people just don't like it that's all.!! and bcuz i apparently missed the memo on how everyone is God's personal judgment assistant and they all have something negative to say.... i would rather just to be anti.social so that i won't have to deal with this frustration....

..a positive plus a negative..

equals a negative... they explained this to us in Algebra I... and we only applied it to math falling victim to the saying

"when am i gonna ever use this in the real world.?"

well it wasn't until til about 15 minutes ago did i realize when and where i would use it in the real world... as i sit here in my office and listen to my more then talkitive assistant and her word vomit... i couldn't help but notice how negative she is.!! and besides annoying bcuz she WON'T SHUT UP it puts me in a bad mood.!

its like her negativity channels though the sound waves from her voice and deposits itself right into my ears...resulting in a change from my positive happy ready to work energy to a rude and mean behavior causing even more negative energy.!! ...

in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood i quickly change the subjet to a lighter positive one... you know to get her mind off whatever is bothering her... but its like talking to a brick wall... not one of those in one ear out the other... but its like she just is in her own little world of complaining that she won't allow any positive energy in...

im not sure exactly how to go about this issue but i do know that this office is too small for the both of us to attempt to have our own energies in here working against each other...

..happy birthday..

its barely 1.30p and im JUST now waking up... idk what the heck is wrong with me... i went to bed at like 10.30p and im JUST NOW waking up....?? wthey.!!? anyway.....

so today is both my brother and sisters birthday & my lame sister doesn't want to do anything.! (wth.?) i know right.? but my brother is having a BBQ at the park which was sooo last minute planned which of course interferes with me going to Jay.mazing's going away (but he'll be back) Picnic.... UGH.! black people can't EVER plan stuff out.!! oh well family first right.??

so i gets to the park with the fam and i quickly realize what kind of day this is gonna be... it was Senior year ALL OVER AGAIN (some people just NEVER change).... all my brothers friends are there and instead of doing normal black people bbq stuff like playin spades or domino's these "NIGGAS" decide to play basketball, which left me to cook.... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK ON A DAMN GRILL.!!! well i didnt then i do now... needless to say i missed Jay.mazing picnic bcuz the oopid boys had me on the damn grill all effin afternoon.!! ugh.... but its okay ill get to see him monday at rehearsal...


so after True & i leave the broz BBQ... i head to Groove... bcuz Angeline asked me to take her home... ANNNNNNDDDDD.!! bcuz Brandi & i were gonna meet up (i LOVE that girl.!) so i get to Groove and guess who's there.?! KIMTOE.!!! he's FiNALLY back.!! i never thought i would miss his big headed self but i really did miss him right up until the part where he called me the black Paris Hilton bcuz of True.... i won't lie that was the funniest thing i heard ALL DAY.!! (ha ha ha good one Kimtoe)


so after dropping Angeline & True off i picked up my friend Trey who i haven't seen since BEFORE my birthday and his son who i LOVE & haven't seen since he was 4 and he's 5 now.! (yea i know right) and we hung out together and ended up going to see Saw V (that's 5 for all people who didnt pay attention in math on roman numerals day...lol) and uggggggghhhhhh it was caca.!! i coulda just waited 3 days and got the bootleg like every other black person... seriously.!


finally i got home and got some sleep... im not exactly sure what time i went to bed but i know around 3.30a i got a random phone call from someone asking me if they could borrow some money & that REALLY pissed me off.... i am NOT an ATM and i am also not awake at 3.30a ugh.!! NIGGAS i swear.!!


..mylife..

..hifi bball..

oh how i loath thee.!!


now im not exactly sure which part of the equation had me disgruntled... but bball last night was NOT "poppin" in the words of Chris Brown.! i can say the tempature may or may not have had somethin to do w. it but all i know is im a down south country kinda girl and FOOTBALL is definitely my sport....


"hey booooys.!!"





..mylife..

..terrible horrible no good very bad day..

-lied to
-tears @ work
-2nd biggest fight
-more tears
-car gone
-fraudulent spending from my bank account
-early signs of P.M.S
-puppy pee on clean clothes
-& trouble falling asleep


ugggggh.!! just like the book today is a terrible horrible no good very bad day

..mylife..

p.s. i KNOW you're watching nosey.!

..if i was a boy.. (pt.2)

*tears*

since we were little we've always been told do unto other as you want done unto you... or for the simpler minds treat others the way you want to be treated. its like an unwritten law of life that is conciously and continously broken day after day after day...

but after realizing today was a sad day and that i have the blues... i began to re evaluate the lyrics of Beyonce's "If I Was a Boy" and it suddenly dawned on me... how unfair it would be for women to switch places like she says in the song...

in th song she says, "If I was a boy, I think I could understand, how it feels to love a girl, I swear Id be a better man...." by that one statement alone it simple proves that the man in the situation would never get to see or feel the way he treats his what's supposed to be his signifigant other... bcuz she has been priviliged enough to experience it herself and would do EVERYTHiNG in her power to prevent him from feeling the same pain... bcuz she doesn't want to feel it anymore... hence the whole "do unto others as you want done unto you" idea...

and not to say all boys are like this that's not what im saying at all bcuz i know a few girls that are guilty of the same but those come far and few in between... its just a shame to know that even if the role was reversed only one person would be treating the other the way they wanted to be treated....

..saturday mornings..

awake



bcuz of True who woke me to go outside not to pee but to eat damn grass.!! (ugh) does anyone have any potty training advice btw bcuz he is just NOT getting it.!! ahhhhh.! but i can say he's only done it on carpet once... everything else is in the bathroom. and even that is strange.! its like he sees me go pee so he thinks "oh mommys going so time for me to go too" then starts running in circles.!! and due to the fact he's soo damn hyper active idk if he's playin or about to poop.!! ugh someone help.!!


S.i.O. later tonight w. my little sister & HiFi...
& honeslty if it wasn't for the fact my other HiFi girlies were going im not sure if id want to go... not bcuz its gonna be boring after meccame & rascles preform (bcuz nobody wants to see yucky SELECT [HiFiLOVE.!!] jk.! jk.!) but bcuz for the past month and some pennies all ive been hearing is _::

"go to s.i.o. to see Karlos Farrar preform"

now a month and some pennies ago i would've been 150 no wait 250% down to go...bcuz im a real ride or die support my man no matter what kinda woman (notice i said woman not girl) but see that was back when we were together and no im not sayin i don't want to go anymore bcuz he's my ex. no that's not the case at all, im friends with all but one ex.boyfriends thanks.!! i think what has me bothered is the way he's handled this "friendship" since the break up and quite frankly if this is how his "friends" get treated im not sure if im down for the ride...
but hey maybe things could change once i see him... who knows.?!! 0h well.!!


im off to slumber land since True is in his kenel for going poo poo on the bathroom rug... stop by laerz for updates

..mylife..

..game nite & the breakfast club..

so today G decided to have game night at her house with Daffi, Patti, Dani, Kimchi, Lance, Darryl, Errol, & me [duh.!] and it was SUPER FUN.!! we played Tabu which was fun... then Daffi wanted to play spoons but instead of spoons i suggested sour patch kids lol and that was interesting... so then it was time to go and Daffi had to retell her scary story and had EVERYONE scared to go home let alone outside... the Errol made it worse by saying there were lil kids outside.... ahhhh.!! and its not even Halloween yet.!!

so then the O.G. breakfast club went to the cannery for our late nite breakfast special
mmmmm tastey.!! but my tummy was still hurting the whole time (ugh.!) whatever this sickness is i want it gone N0W.!! (yucky.!) i CAN'T TAKE iT.!! not to mention Dani revealed to me that she didnt know the process of boobs and thought she swallowed her socks in her sleep.!! OMG.!! soo effin cute i LOVE this girl.!!

finally it was time to go home and spend time with my hyper active puppy well more like watch him run in circles until i fall asleep... hopefully we don't have a repeat of last night...

..emotions vs. feelings..

so i recently asked the question wats the difference between emotions and feelings.? and the reply was simple _::

Emotions are the physical manifestation of feelings...

hmm a physical manifestation of my feelings... so whatever im feeling on the inside shows on the outside.? well that's makes PERFECT sense bcuz on the inside i feel like crap... like there's nothin but thunderstoms rain clouds hurricanes and tornados in here... and it it showing on the outside to, bcuz i D0NT feel good and haven't for the past few days this is some bS.!

..if i were a boy..

BEYONCE - “IF I WERE A BOY” LYRICS

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell everyone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

(Chorus)

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

(Chorus)

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy...

..people parties & puppies..

okay so my weekend was...lets just say it was a weekend... it started w. coming home friday night after work and CSLV class to find unexpected/unwanted company in MY room watching MY movies.!! ugghh.! im oh so ready to move idk wat to do w. myself... Nov. 8th mite be nxt week if they keep playin w. me...

..satur day..
i FiNALLY got a hold of my sister which means i got my hair done.!! Thank you Jesus for having a family full of hair stylist bcuz i definitely can't see the back of my head ha ha ha ... took groove w. drea of hifilv...she's soo great...
[HiFiLOVE]


satur nite...whoooo.!

H A P P Y B i R T H D A Y L i T T L E.!!

so obviously i went to a bday party which was soooo much fun.. im glad i changed my mind and decided to go... im also glad my sisters went with me bcuz when we go out we ALWAYS have fun together... i missed them... got home @ 4.21a & my nite well morning ended well.!!


..sunday..
Church day... i swear when you're down to nothing God is definitely up to something... & me and Ashley we're going through w.out even realizing it... i danced to Musiq's Love & expected someone to be in the audience but no call no show just an "im sorry" w. a sad face... (hmm maybe ill be important enuff one day).... so the bestfriend(ashley) left her wallet at her work (starbucks) so we had to go back to get it... in the process this man pulls up in a green pick up asking if we want puppies... F0R FREE.!! so of course i take one.!! so now i have a min pin named True & im gonna love him lots.!!

..will you in the morning..

will he love me in the morning.? or will things change will all these good times eventually cause me pain.? Will he love me in the morning.? bcuz tonite it feels so right or will he mislead & decieve exchange passion for fights.???? will he love me in the morning.? or is this just all part of the love game.? ive came ive seen and conqured & he's don't the same. after the last i fell in love w. the fame vowed to neva trust the games but if he'll truly love me [[EVERY]] mornin ill hold him down && bare his name but, will he love me in the morning.?

..lets us pray..

dear God...please don't let my little sharpie pen die... i just got it and im not ready to part with it yet... =( 0h.! and can you please make then wind die down a little i don't want to be cold while im outside... okay ..thee end..


amen.!

..delayed reactions..

so as i sit here at work and pretend to be productive i can't help but to focus on my mind that seems to be moving 500 miles a minute with ALL the things that happend YESTERDAY.???
im apparently still having some type of system overload that is making my hard drive have a delayed reaction to the stuff that went on around me yesterday...


where do i begin.???

let me start w. my favorite computer wiz kid...lol i KN0W you enjoy monden technology just as much as i love going to wal.mart at 1am but in the future can you please warn me the next time you decide to infom me about poker tables w. computers as dealers... table surfaces that are efficently limitless and tech savey... or monkeys in japan that's can serve me drinks in a bar... its all to much to deal with at one time...SURPRiSE.?


i need to stop and show some SERi0US appreciation to one of my brothers... thank you BiGHEAD.!! i didnt realize how your attempts to pull me back to who i am where in a good effort to make me smile again... i know you miss that(my smile) bcuz i miss it too... THANK YOU SOO MUCH.! FAM[ily]

but umm...

to the young lady who seems to think she's a parot... let me make this short and simple _:: its not becoming nor is it at all lady like... especially if you're attempting to be someones friend... somewhere in the job description of friend it says something about keep personal things personal and understand that when someone comes to you in confidence reguardless of it includes other people that doesn't give you the right to speak your mind... that's the easiest way to lose not only a friend but their trust inturn.


now about these previously mention FAKE iNSECURE FL00ZiES(thx daff..lol) girls...its still amazes me everytime.! for more details feel free to view daffi's blog... and if the shoe fits then maybe you needed to go shopping.


oh yes.! to the one that has so causally made me apart of their "neglection list" not by choice or force but bcuz time evades you daily and youve become just that busy... let me remind you that up until your recent saga you happend managed your relationship just fine for 2.5 years and communicating was far from an issue... i should know seeing as im still waiting for some fone calls back bcuz you need to commit to that... ive sed it before and although i dislike doing it ill repeat myself... "yes im patient but that doesn't mean ill wait forever".


which brings me to the MAiN EVENT the ku.da.graw the GRAND FiNALE... well maybe not bcuz ill still have more to say but you understand...

for the one who failed to think about my feelings and understand my patience... you hurt me..[period] not me physically but me emotionally and im not sure if you care to remember... bcuz its not like you dont know bcuz you've already admitted your fault... but more like you've just flipped an internal light switch that has cut every EVERYTHiNG off.!! so let me just say this, we've established that im different and we know that im a "rare breed" so since we know this can we (well you not me i already understand how i work) attempt to be a lot more understanding that the one thing we can't control other then love is time and both of those can only come w. patience which you've witnesed in the flesh...(Hi.!) so don't be so quick to jump the gun bcuz a short temper allots for misunderstandings and hurt feelings and you've alredy accomplished the 2nd one...


so now that ive had a partial reboot my systems aren't down nor are they running slow but i do suggest that this hard drive has a disk clean up or some spyware installed soon bcuz before we all know it im gonna CRASH.!!

p.s. & if these words seemed to hit you then i didnt mean to miss


..mylife..

..insecure..

insecure:
1.) subject to fears, doubts, etc; not self-confident or assured
2.) not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious

now im sure you are ALL wondering why a girl like me is looking up the word insecure... ha ha ha trust me its not for my personal benefit more like a P.S.A (public service announcement...for you none vo.tech t.v. production kids)

ATTENTi0N.!!! to all the insecure ladies in the world... im sorry that you are not confident enough in yourself to allow your man to have female friends... but im REALLY gettin tired of have to justify defend and explain my friendships to these insecure ass girls.!! uggh its just sooo frustrating...


so here let me make this so very simple bcuz that's the mind set you've got to be in to feel this way.!!

your insecurities are YOUR issue NOT mine i can not help it if in YOUR little head you have convinced yourself that i want your man... im sorry sweetie ive been spoken for the past 3 years of my life and if/when im single its for my own reason NOT to take you boyfriend...

& while were on the subject of girls let me just say that i don't like FAKE girls either.!! please don't smile in my face one month and the next cut your eyes at me... HELL0.?! im not oblivious to the obvious im a girl too last time i checked(.5 seconds ago) and i know we're not programed to always get along but don't use me to be your friend bcuz "you don't have any"


whoo.! not that ive got that off my chest who's hungry i get paid in 10mins.!!

..vive para el baile..

so i have offically decided as of yesterday(10.8.08) that i am on a serious dance mission i have from now until January 1st to train up... in every which way imaginable.! 3 classes a week between now and then gives me 36 classes give or take... not to mention the occasional workshop here & there (urban legands Nov. 15 & 16...whooo SD here comes HiFiLV.!!) so that way by the 1st i will be a BEAST.!! well not a "beast" presay but you get the idea... this is what i live for so im gonna put 200% into it...


..mylife..

..trouble sleeping..

wtf.!! its the middle of the night and im up listening to slow jamz wide eyes w. tears that REFUSE to effin fall... ahhhh.!!! hmm i wonder is it too late to change my name.? nope nevermind i got it tatted on my effin back.!! well can SOMEBODY come save me qwick.! before i come up with more crazy nonsense.!!

thursday schedule _::
-work 8-5... i swear if i didnt have a night life id be like a 50yr old woman who worked monday to friday and came home to her cat name cupcake.!!
-hair done... now this little project has been in the works for 2 weeks now due to me N0T being able to find my damn sister.!!
-class w. aj... dance my stress relief, nuff said.!!
-sleep... the only place my nitemare D0ESNT exsist.!!

(Dear Feelings & Emotions,
if you don't mind i need you to turn yourseleves off for the nxt few months so i can reach my goal w. a clear head and no confusion...
Love,
Schae)

..baaaaallllin..

what a day what a day...

i received an interesting text this morning that's just "set my morning off right.!!" as the bestfriend Ashley would say... i just don't understand why these "grown" people can't seem to act right... but i guess Salome was right _:: "mutha fucks just act different when it comes to money" & its true.! but i know i won't be happy until i have my own...so im on a serious countdown N0VEMEBER 8TH.! is the day... and if things a final by the 16th then im definitely gonna lose it.!! so i guess my next question is _:: "who needs a room mate.?" ha ha ha.!!

HiFi HiFi HiFi oh how much i love you bytches.! we dance, we run cross country we do art n' crafts we sing in the choir & need our Jesus and now we ball together lol... yes ladies we are officially ballers.!! playing basketball tonight was interesting and fun at the sometime... but we're definitely gonna feel this in the morning... s0niC was fun "if you don't wash behind your ears you are N0T Ms. Independent.!!!" lets do it again next week shall we.??

well now its time to go home... gotta drop off the Patti Cakes first then its off to casa del drama... ugh.!

..my life..
(expect another one soon)

this in.SURE.rance is not very rea.SURE.ing

my accident was on september 15th today is october 8th and im just NOW getting some feedback... and you wanna know what i was.?

$550

yep $550effin a dollars...for my "pain & suffering" WHAT exactly am i supposed to do w. that.? someone explain to me please before i lose it and act ugly with progressive which by the way is NOT very progressive w. their customer service.!!

..my life..

..the morning after..

::sigh:: i had a conversation w. you last night and it really took my breathe away... i mean _::

"is it possible to stop caring overnight like.?"

apparently it is bcuz you expected me to.. but damn im so different and biologically programed to love all the damn time idk how to forget...
well i guess Janet was right_::
"that's the way love goes"

hello there...

hi im Schae!! but some people call me love... the reason.. you'll have to figure out on your own... this is my blog my space my release... feel free to enjoy it at your own risk... but i won't take responsibility for any hurt feelings in the process (you probably shouldn't have said it in the first place...) this is a true story so take notes...

..fading..

TODAY AS ii SiT ALONE ii BEGiN TO WONDER WHAT iS MY PURPOSE...WHAT AM ii HERE TO DO?? AM ii THE BESTFRiEND THAT iS ALWAYS THERE NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE FiGHT ARGUE AND DiSAGREE?? AM ii THE BiG SiSTER WHO PROViDES GUiDENCE WHEN YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO?? HOW ABOUT THE LiTTLE SiSTER WHO RUNS YOUR WAY WHEN ALL ELSE HAS FAiLED? MAYBE THE FRiEND WHO iS A CONSTANT SHOULDER TO CRY ON AND THE PERFECT PERSON FOR ADViCE...AM ii THE GiRLFRiEND THAT iS ALWAYS THERE NO MATTER HOW BAD ii HURT iNSiDE??OR THE DAUGHTER WHO WAS BROUGHT UP KNOWiNG RiGHT FROM WRONG?? ALL THESE THiNGS WRAPPED iNTO ONE iS WHAT iiM TOLD, BUT ii DONT UNDERSTAND WHY ii FEEL THE WAY ii DO...LOST EMPTY && COLD...WiTH NO DESiRE...NO WANT NO YERN...iiM TiRED AND NO LONGER WANT TO PERFORM ii HATE HAViNG TO PUT ON A SHOWJUST TO GET ATTENTiONOR A SiMPLE HELLO

..i love you.. (i guess)

ive never been one of those girls who said fuck niggas...and i probably won't ever be one either.... but i can say i understand why girl feel that way... within the first 6 months of 2008 i have 2 friends walk in to their niggas house to find ANOTHER girl in the bed, 3 friends find out they're man was cheating on the with a friend, one who found out not only was she the other woman for the past 6 months but that his son will be born next week and he's getting married in august, 3 friends who bent over backwards and was the "perfect girlfriend" but was finally told "im just not ready for you yet, and my personal favorite one friend not only found out that their relationship was a bet but that the bet was made by her own brother.!! and with all of that going on yet and still i still have the thought that maybe love still exsist....???